If you know my work, you might have seen my focus on compassion. Whether that’s deep compassion for children and their needs, feelings and behaviours, or the same for us as adults, and the development of internal presencing with unconditional love, it’s something I talk about a lot.
However, I’m also passionate about the yang to the yin of the Marion Method model – deeply honouring will and willingness.
In children, this includes honouring their Will-Needs for agency, autonomy and choice, valuing the expression of the no, and compassionate listening to their powerlessness and outrage. In us as adults, the process is similar, as we gradually free ourselves from the domination cultural conditioning of shoulds, coercion and force, and reconnect with our life energy and true power.
I also deeply value honouring discernment and the mind as well as the body and feelings, where again, you may see my focus on the latter.
I believe that we are being invited to develop our deep connection with both Love and Will, compassion and discernment, feelings, body, and mind, at these times.
I wonder if you’ve noticed a polarising – towards either the Love-Qualities of inclusion, acceptance and oneness or towards the Will-Qualities of difference, division and individuality?
In parenting, polarising towards love can bring deep connection, compassion and acceptance but can miss differentiation, discernment and encouragement, and vice versa.
In our lives, we may develop deep compassion for all humans but not have developed our capacity to say no to being treated in harsh ways.
Or we may have developed a strong sense of our unique self, but feel a deep sense of disconnection and lack of being able to understand the perspective of someone else.
Do you notice that you tend to feel more comfortable in your Love or Will?
Do you veer towards one or the other in your relationship with yourself, your parenting, your relationships, your political perspectives?
In The Marion Method work, I enjoy supporting people in developing both polarities.
The Love with deepening self-compassion, welcoming and capacity to be lovingly present with sadness and grief, feeling more deeply interconnected and a sense of belongingness, and feeling more comfortable with saying yes and receiving love.
The Will with deepening self-honouring of one’s uniqueness, capacity to safely and consciously express frustration and outrage, experiencing more willingness, agency, life force and flow, and more ease in saying no to what isn’t wanted.
There’s magic where these two come together.
When in parenting, our child is afraid to do what they want to do and we can offer Loving Encouragement.; “I hear that you’re scared and I know you can do it. I’m going to stay here with you and I trust your timing.”
Or when they’re hitting and we can offer a Loving Limit; “I’m not willing for you to hit, and I’m right here and I’m listening” – where we say no to the behaviour and a loving yes to the feelings underlying the behaviour.
Then of course, there’s the beauty of developing the Neo No in situations where we feel a deep sense of vertical embodied connection with the ground and the sky, and can express a clear No without collapse or aggression.
What’s this got to do with The Social Dilemma, you may ask?
Have you watched it?
In my relationship with my children, I’ve deeply valued their Love-Needs and Will-Needs. I’ve wanted them to feel deeply connected, and also be deeply connected with their own sense of agency, autonomy and choice.
In my own relationship with screens, through explorations I did when I was creating my Kids, Screens and Aware Parenting Course 5 years ago, I started being with screens in ways that I’m happy with, and which I’ve doubly reconnected with since watching The Social Dilemma. That is, being really compassionate with myself, and most of all, connecting in with discernment and will.
What does that mean?
Well, it means, before turning on or picking up a screen, I aim to connect in with what I am wanting and willing to do.
It means having clear structure over how much or how long I intend to be there.
It means having discernment over what I choose to watch or read or consume.
It means attending to the screen based on what I’m wanting and willing for and not willing for, rather than getting on and then responding to what is there.
And with my son and daughter, both teens, my aim has shifted towards supporting them in that too – to ask them what they are wanting and intending to do before they get on a screen, supporting them in discernment, and helping them understand that some screen companies are trying to subvert their own will.
From what I am seeing around me, I believe that these are the psychospiritual invitations of our time:
To develop our capacity for compassion and our sense of interconnectedness ~
and for our feelings and bodies ~
as well as our capacity to express a powerful Neo No ~
from our clear discernment and the valuing of our minds.
Do you resonate?
What do you sense you are being invited to develop?
Elements of your Lovingness?
More compassion for yourself and/or others?
More of a sense of inclusivity and interconnectedness?
More compassion for feelings of grief or loneliness?
More of a sense of belonging with other humans, other-than-humans and this lovely planet we live on?
Your relationship with your feelings and your body?
Elements of your Will and Willingness?
More differentiation?
More capacity to express your no in clear ways?
More capacity for feelings of powerlessness, frustration or outrage?
More capacity to think outside of the box and for yourself?
Your relationship with your mind and your discernment?
Or perhaps more Love/Will relationship?
Your capacity to stand in a big Neo No, a Loving Limit, or a Neo Yield?
Your capacity to stay lovingly connected with someone whilst you have a difference of opinion?
Your willingness to say no to what someone is doing, whilst still understanding compassionately why they are doing it?
You feeling both deeply interconnected and also unique?
Big love to you in these big times!
If you’re interested in more, I have a few offerings coming up as of January 2021:
The first live round of The Inner Loving Presence Process Course since 2019 is starting at the end of this month.
The Wonder of Willingness first live round since 2019 is starting in a couple of months.
My Psychospiritual Parenting Course is becoming available for the first time since 2019 this week.
There will also be a Marion Method Immersion this year.
The Marion Method Mentoring Training starts at the end of this month.