I believe we are being invited to shift the domination paradigm of the past 2000 years.
As mothers (and fathers), there are two key ways we can do this – to reclaim our sacred power, and to support our children in staying connected with their sacred power.
How do we do that?
First, is by understanding what true power is.
I call it Will.
Our true nature as human beings is Love and Will.
The domination paradigm comes from our apparent split from Love/interconnectedness, which led to power-over, coercion, force and punishment.
Right from in utero, each human being, as a Soul, is both a unique being and interconnected with all that is (Will and Love).
We can see the will energy in a baby – when they feel a YES in their body, they move towards that thing, when they feel a NO, they turn away or move backwards.
This is something we can see at the most basic physiological level – our innate wisdom to know what is helpful for our body and soul, and what isn’t.
These are our will-needs.
Our will-needs are where our unique self is wanting to take it’s unique journey in the world.
It’s where we are most uniquely ourselves.
Our will needs are:
Agency;
Autonomy;
Choice;
For our yeses and no’s to be respected and heard.
And because this is where we express our I-ness, this is why, when our will needs aren’t met or honoured, the poowerlessness we feel is so painful – because it’s as if we don’t exist as a being, or our uniqueness is rejected.
When our will-needs aren’t met, the willingness energy doesn’t get to flow in our willingness channel, and so the most healthy response is frustration and outrage – this is the natural expression of our will energy being thwarted.
However, in the domination culture, our natural outrage and frustration is shamed, punished, or distracted.
So, this will energy accumulates, and silts up the willingness channel, leading to:
Power-over / Aggression – in children, this is hitting, biting, throwing, pushing. In adults, it can also be verbal – and includes blame and violence.
Rebellion / Willfulness – this is when a child, teen or adult says, “NO” to everything. This is not a free-flowing willingness channel; it indicates a silted-up willingness channel. There isn’t freedom to say, “YES,” when it’s actually a yes. These first two are also related to ‘fight’ in the flight/flight/freeze/fawn scenario.
Compliance – this is when a child or adult says, “YES,” to everything in order to meet needs for safety or love or belonging. This also relates to fawning.
Fear – this is when the will-energy is all in service of flight – trying to escape the coercion or power-over.
Depression – this is when there is a deep sense of, “I can’t” and the will-energy is very silted. There’s a deep energetic stagnation, and sense of not being able to move or express.
Dissociation – this is where our consciousness leaves our bodies as our unique I self energy isn’t able to be expressed.
What can we do?
In order to help our children stay connected to their sacred power, we need to help ourselves reconnect with our sacred power.
That includes:
Internally – gradually changing our internalised coercion, guilt, force and power-over and replacing our inner dialogue and self-relationship with self-listening, choice, and willingness. eg. Stopping saying, “I should.”
Gradually practicing listening to, and speaking, our YESES and NO’s – which might start off simply, by listening to what our body needs.
Supporting ourselves in autonomy and choice and really making clear choices.
Befriending our frustration and outrage.
Listening to the younger parts of us and all their unexpressed frustration and outrage, or having others listen to us.
What about with our children?
Language – avoiding “should” and “have to” and “must” and “can’t” and “allowed” and replacing git with a language of choice and autonomy.
Wherever we can, listening to their YESES and NO’s – this means differentiating between a true NO of the Soul and a NO that is coming from unexpressed will-hurts.
Wherever possible, giving choices.
Listening to the inevitable will-hurts through welcoming and lovingly listening to their frustration and outrage.
Setting loving limits with any aggression, “I’m not willing for you to hit, sweetheart, and I’m here and I’m listening,” and then listening to the underlying fear, frustration or outrage.
I believe that this is deeply called for in these times.
I believe that we are being called as mothers to change the domination paradigm, through healing our own will-hurts, claiming our sacred power, and speaking up our big NEO NO’s.
I believe we need the next generation of humans to be relatively free from power-over, aggression, rebellion, wilfulness, compliance, depression and dissociation, so that they have plenty of connection with their will energy, and their capacity to take powerful action in service of Love.
And so they are unwilling to buy into authoritarian ways of parenting, learning, working, business, governance or politics.
We need lots of us, in this new paradigm, to be connected with our sacred power and with our capacity to take powerful action.
Your inner work around this and your parenting are profoundly important and valuable.
Every time you advocate for your child’s will needs, you are part of co-creating a new paradigm.
What are you feeling called to say NEO NO to, to stand up and speak up for, or to advocate for your child for?
Big love! Xoxox
P.S. If you want more, I’m going to be doing a live training in my Wonder of Willingness Course – you can sign up already if you want!
I’m going to be opening doors to Transformation Through Mothering soon!
And if you are newer to this work, I recommend my Powerlessness, Power-over and Power-with in Parenting Masterclass,
And/or my Power and Powerlessness in Parenting Course.