Rosie said:
Hi Marion,
I have been thinking about what you said about how the night wakings may be an indication that I need to tell myself something or listen to myself in some way. I think you are absolutely right and when I take the time to check-in on how I am feeling, I begin to feel really heavy and weighed down. It certainly feels better to acknowledge these feelings, rather than to try and resist / fight or distract myself from them, but I haven’t yet been able to find my release and the heaviness still remain. I wonder if this is a topic for another discussion, or if you have written any articles on this before that you could refer me to?
Marion said:
Hello Rosie,
Ahh, I feel warm hearing that you have been listening to yourself and what you are feeling….
I’m hearing that you are feeling heavy and weighed down…. and that the heaviness still remains, even when you have felt it….
I really enjoy your request for more information…
Here are a few suggestions that I have:
Putting aside time to be still and listen more, when you know that your child is asleep or being cared for. Just give yourself that time to simply be with yourself, and be with this heaviness.
One way is to have a conversation with it…. e.g…. “I hear you, heaviness… what do you want to tell me?” It’s kind of like the quality of presence that you give your daughter when she is feeling upset.
It may have words that it wants to express… perhaps there is something that you are not speaking or doing that is contributing to this heaviness and it will let you know. Perhaps there is some feeling that you are not allowing in.
In it’s expression, you may also hear that there is some part of you set against yourself… for example, perhaps the heaviness is telling you that you can’t do something that you really want to do. When we are not living our life’s passion, the symptoms can be like this….
Or perhaps the heaviness might want to tell you that you are carrying too much; burdens that are not yours to carry.
As you converse with it, you might like to ask it what it needs or wants…. As you listen to it, notice how the feeling changes shape and form…..
Having this quality of compassion and listening for ourselves, I think, creates the kind of relationship with ourselves that we are forming with our children when we practice Aware Parenting.
When you have finished, perhaps you might express your appreciation to the heaviness for the gifts of self-understanding it has given you. I imagine you will find, when you really listen, it will shift….
I’d love to hear how it goes for you….
Love,
Marion