Hello!
I wonder how it would be if we looked at screens as neutral things, that can be used in ways that are “nasty” or “nice”!
(I don’t really like that language, but I thought it would be helpful to bring some emotional charge to this!)
For example, you are reading this on a screen.
And presumably you are wanting to, and it is meeting a need for you – maybe connection, or stimulation, or learning?
And perhaps your child/ren have learnt about adding up through playing online games, or have learnt about dinosaurs through watching nature videos.
And yet, sometimes we can have really big feelings in relation to screens, can’t we?
Have you ever got really really really frustrated when your child won’t get off the screen when you’ve asked them?
I have!
And have you ever got incredibly frustrated when you’re trying to work out something technical on a computer, and it just wasn’t working!
I have!
And have you ever watched a video of your family on a screen with your child, and felt such joy and connection with them?
I have!
And I wonder if you’ve found things on the Internet that have profoundly changed your life, in beautiful ways?
I have!
I found out about Aware Parenting, NVC, the Field Project, and many other things, all of which have deeply affected my life direction.
So, perhaps we could say that screens are a relatively blank slate, upon which we can project our own inner experiences.
If we have powerlessness sweet spots, we are likely to see them in relation to screens.
If we get easily distracted by things, we are likely to see them in our relationship to screens.
If we tend to judge our parenting harshly, we are likely to see that in our relationship to screens.
If we find loving limits challenging, we are likely to see that in our relationship to screens.
And, if we watched TV as a control pattern when we were children or teenagers, it’s likely that we’ll find it harder to think clearly about screens now, or we’ll have very fixed beliefs about them, or we’ll have big feelings about them.
So, I wonder how it would be to take this approach?
Rather than seeing screens as inherently “nasty” or “nice”, how would things be if we saw that our relationship to screens, both for our child/ren and ourselves, gives us an opportunity to know ourselves more, so that we can create the changes that we want to make.
How would it be if we could take a step back when we are getting frustrated about our child wanting to be watching a screen, and see that as an invitation for us to go within:
To hear our internal dialogue;
To hear how we treat ourselves;
To see what we are telling ourselves about them;
To see how we are creating stories about the future;
To notice that we are feeling powerless, like we did as a child;
To see our core beliefs about the world;
and so on!
So, here’s my invitation to you.
The next time you notice yourself having a big reaction apparently about a screen, how about turning the pointing finger around, and compassionately listening to what is really going on for you?
I’d love to hear how you get on with this experiment!
Much love,
Marion xxx