Mothering invites us to love our inner children unconditionally where they didn’t feel loved or lovable.
I will suggest that many of the times we are having big feelings as mothers, that those big feelings might be from our inner children.
(This isn’t always the case – our feelings can be about here-and-now unmet needs, especially in a culture that doesn’t support or value mothers. And they can also be caused by harsh internalised emotional sticks).
When our inner children are feeling big feelings, that is an invitation.
The invitation is to love our inner children unconditionally.
Those may be the exact places where they felt loved conditionally the first time around.
The time where you were crying and were told to go to your room alone – which might show up as overwhelm when your child is crying.
The time that your bigger sibling tickled you and the adults didn’t do anything to stop them – which might show up as outrage when one of your children pushes another one.
The time that you cried and cried in your room for someone to come and no-one did – which might show up as powerlessness when your toddler keeps on saying “no” to your requests.
Whenever we have really big feelings in response to our child is or isn’t doing, and it’s our inner child feeling the feelings, we are invited to respond to that inner child with unconditional love.
Instead of ignoring, judging or repressing those feelings, and giving our inner children another experience of conditional love, we can learn to give them unconditional love.
“I hear that you’re upset, and I’m right here with you. I won’t leave you when you’re upset,” to the inner child who was crying alone.
“I hear how outraged you are. I welcome your rage. I can be with all of your feelings. I’m here and I’m listening. I love you,” to the inner child who was tickled.
“I’m sorry that no-one came. I hear how powerless you feel. I’m here with you. I will come when you ask. I’m listening. I love you,” to the inner child to whom nobody came.
These are the invitations.
To love our inner children unconditionally.
And in that unconditional love, and the connection with our inner children, our understanding and remembrance of how children feel, often helps us offer that unconditional love to them when they feel upset or outraged or powerless.
Transformation Through Mothering is coming VERY soon! xoxox