Hello!
If you know me already, you know that,
Compassion for ourselves as parents is really important to me.
The whole screens issue is something we need oodles of self-compassion for!
Aware Parenting can be challenging at times; finding ways to meet our children’s needs AND our own needs whilst we live in a culture that doesn’t support Aware Parenting.
Sometimes we might use screens to meet our needs for ease – our child can watch something or play something on them whilst we’re helping their sibling to go to sleep, or when we are out shopping, or when we need to concentrate on something.
Most of us don’t have the support that we really need, and screens can be a really helpful way of entertaining our children so that we can do what we need to do!
On the other hand, the thing that screens are great for – entertainment! – also means that it can be really hard to entice our children back off screens again when we are ready to connect again!
Finding ways to reconnect again, and to encourage our children to want to reconnect again with us, in ways that don’t leave us both feeling frustrated, is just one of the many challenges that we can face!
I believe that, just as each of us practices Aware Parenting differently, so there is no one-size-fits all approach to being with screens with our children.
I’ve played with many different ways.
I’ve gone the abstaining route (I didn’t have even a mobile phone until my daughter was about 6, would only go on the computer when she was asleep, and she would only occasionally watch videos of animal programmes in her first few years; and at various times we’ve gone through chunks of time with no device time);
I’ve gone the no-restrictions route (I had a massive Facebook control pattern for a couple of years from when my children were about 6 and 2, and I a few years ago I played with unrestricted amounts of device time for them);
And I’ve played with lots of places in between!
Nowadays we have a set amount of device time for all of us each day.
At the moment it is one and a half hours. It’s a bit more than I’d ideally like for them, but I’m deeply self-accepting of it because it’s a strategy that is meeting our of needs at the moment.
Most days that arrangement goes really smoothly, and on some days we don’t stick to it.
The main difference for me around screens is how I treat myself around them.
A lot of the struggles used to come from what I was telling myself about my kids and myself if they wouldn’t get off, or if I didn’t stick to our amount. I would go into all kinds of judgmental thoughts about myself or them.
Nowadays, I set loving limits with harsh thoughts, and have compassion for all of us.
And that way, I know that tomorrow is another day. I don’t have loads of pain stirring around about it, so I can start the new day fresh again!
I wonder if any of this resonates with you!
Have you tried different approaches?
Do you judge yourself if things don’t go to plan?
Do you harbour all kinds of unhelpful thoughts about their future if they won’t get off the iPad?
I invite you to, most of all, find ways of being more compassionate with yourself around this.
The whole screens issue can be a hard one!
And that is why this course will be so much about listening to yourself, and listening to your child.
Different screen strategies suit us and our children at different times, stages and ages.
Different strategies suit different family set-ups; depending on how many children there are in the family, and how many parents, whether they go to school or not, how old they are, and a whole host of other factors.
So, another thing I suggest is to set loving limits with comparing yourself to what other families do.
The most important thing is getting really clear about your values, needs, and strategies, and listening to your child, and finding what suits YOUR family.