Grief, loss and tears – what might we be being called to?
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been noticing lots of grief and loss in the field – in 1-1 sessions, in group calls, in courses and trainings.
I wonder if you have been feeling grief and loss recently?
I have a deep sense that on a psychospiritual level, we are being invited to attend to grief.
That’s obvious in that we’re in the midst of both a pandemic and the sixth mass extinction, where there has not only been massive loss of animals and species, but also loss of human life. Not only that, we’re in the midst of the ending of a whole form of civilisation, of culture.
This domination colonised culture is itself based on deep lack of both what I call Love-Needs and the expression of the resulting Love-Hurts.
What do I mean by that?
Our Love-Needs are:
A knowing of our deep sense of interconnectedness with all of Life;
A connection with our lineage, with traditions, with ancestors;
A deep felt sense connection with the land, the local beings, the seasons and the festivals;
Plenty of physical closeness, particularly as babies and children, but at all ages too;
Attunement to our needs and feelings;
Empathy and compassion;
Physical and emotional support via community living.
In contrast, the colonised domination culture stands for:
A sense of disconnection from life from a mechanistic standpoint;
A disconnection from lineage, deep traditions and ancestors;
A disconnection form the land, local beings, seasons and indigenous festivals;
Physical disconnection for babies and children and all ages;
A disconnection from needs and feelings;
Judgment;
A lack of physical and emotional support with individualised living.
When our Love-Needs aren’t net, the natural response is to feel sadness, grief and loss.
The domination colonised culture has demonised, judged, and repressed to smithereens the naturalness and necessity of tears and the importance of grief.
I’m curious too, that in Chinese Medicine, the organs associated with grief are the lungs.
Here in Australia more than a year ago, we had the bushfires, and it was routine to see people wearing masks to keep out the toxic smoke in cities like Sydney.
Then we have the pandemic, which hits the lungs, and again we see masks, and all the big feelings that has stirred up in people (related to Will-Needs – see this article.)
What if these were symptoms of the sickness of the domination colonised culture?
Just as physical symptoms in the human body often point us to both cause and meaning, what if these were symptoms of a culture so deficit in met Love-Needs (and Will-Needs, which I won’t go into here) and with huge unexpressed grief and loss.
The grief of such huge disconnection – from a sense of belonging, from ancestors, from the seasons, from the earth, from each other, from touch.
And as the symptoms get more severe, what if all the social distancing regulations are part of highlighting these huge losses, these huge unmet Love-Needs, the deep sense of disconnectedness, the immense amount of unshed tears?
What if we’re being invited to reimagine a post-domination culture, where Love-Needs and Will-Needs (autonomy, agency, support for our uniqueness, and true power-with) are revalued, and loss and grief and tears and wailing are deeply welcomed. If our ancestors were welcomed at the table.
If we once again felt deeply interconnected with all of Life.
If we listened to the wisdom that indigenous cultures were willing to share with us.
If we reconnected with our own original traditions and lineages.
If we welcomed back baby carrying, cosleeping & long term connection between children and adults and with our elders.
If we again honoured needs and feelings and a welcoming of crying.
If we embraced Nonviolent Communication.
If we regathered into community living for physical and emotional support.
Do you feel called to this?
What can you, and are you willing, to do?
That might be calling a friend and asking if they’re willing to listen to your feelings.
It might be lovingly listening to your child when they’re crying.
It might be laying a place at your table for your ancestors.
It might be rediscovering your own heritage and traditions.
This, along with the Will-Work is central to my work.
Aware Parenting with the focus on secure attachment and the welcoming of tears and tantrums.
The Love-Work – The Inner Loving Presences and Inner Loving Presence Process.
The Will-Work – The Willingness Practice, The Wonder of Willingness, The Neo No, Loving LImits.
Conversations with Life – the embodiment of a deep sense of belonging and interconnectedness.
So much love to you. Xoxo