Hello!
How are you?
My letter to you today isn’t about parenting, it’s about core beliefs.
I’ve had a costly month!
My can broke down in the middle of nowhere and needed to be towed to a garage, and expensively fixed.
My little dog Feather had been to the vet six times (and you know how expensive vets can be!)
I’ve been really worried about him – and my parenting has been really affected (oh, so it is a little bit about parenting).
Yet again, I see that when I have big feelings going on for me, it’s hard for me to connect with my children, and hard to use attachment play and all the tools I have.
I knew something was going on, but I hadn’t really got to the bottom of it.
There wasn’t much money coming in either!
After six months of having really effusive responses from people about my courses, suddenly that wasn’t happening.
That was when I started thinking that people didn’t like me.
I was making free videos, a free mini course, giving lots, and having very little response.
It stroked a sweet spot for me of being a teenager, and thinking that other teenagers at school didn’t like me.
It’s been a hard month!
But then yesterday happened.
My little dog Feather had just come back from having an operation (stones removed from his bladder), and we were all having a quiet day at home.
Then my son noticed that there were some drops of blood on the floor.
I rushed Feather in to the vet.
It turned out his stitches had broken, and he needed to be operated on again.
I got back in the car and it had broken down.
It was all too much. I cried (a lot!)
I called the motoring organisation and the friendly local man came.
I was still crying!
He couldn’t work out why it wouldn’t start and called the towing man.
The towing man arrived but they couldn’t get the car out of gear to get it on the tow truck.
I sat there for an hour, outside the vet, whilst little Feather was having his operation.
They couldn’t get the car on the truck.
So, the next morning it’s still there, as is my little dog.
I cried a lot for those couple of hours!
I was so grateful for all the support I received – from the vets, my friend on the phone, the NRMA men, another friend who came to give me a hug, my mum who gave me lots of empathy, my ex-husband who did too, and my friends on Facebook who sent lots of love.
It was such a loud message, though, and I knew I needed to hear it.
For me, it’s not about trying to ‘work out’ core messages, but to let them come.
I listened for the theme.
It jumped out at me.
“The stitch broke.”
“The car was broken down..”
There was emotional charge to both of the phrases.
So, I asked myself, “What else is broken in my life?”
And the answer that jumped out was, “Being broke”.
Have you heard of that phrase? It means having little money.
Broken cars and vets are a very ‘easy’ way of spending lots of money!
So, I asked myself, what do I want instead of being broke?
“I want to be wealthy!” came out, but with discomfort around the word ‘wealthy’.
I was curious about that.
So I explored :
What unwanted thing happens if I’m wealthy?
And straight away it came, “People won’t like me.”
Ahah, and so there it was. The thought that people won’t like me if I have money.
No wonder, after making my own money with my courses, suddenly it all went haywire, people not buying the courses any more, and mechanic and vet bills to come and take the money away!
And I realised it wasn’t just having money.
It was also “having too much” and “being too much.”
I’d felt worried that people wouldn’t like me when I kept giving videos and courses – that I had too much and was too much.
So I explored that thought more…
Up until then I’d been using a process I learnt training with the Field Project.
Then I swapped to The Work – as I’ve been having sessions with a beautiful woman, Kristin Luce who uses that process.
I explored the thought, “People won’t like me if I have money.”
I could see why I was so uncomfortable with the word “wealthy!”
I saw that that thought explained why, even though I’ve had the money this time, I didn’t go to the U.K., and I haven’t had my deck fixed.
In fact, since I’ve had this money, I haven’t done any of the things I’ve been wanting to do to fix my house.
I could see that keeping the deck broken and unpainted, and the garden all overgrown, was part of wanting to be liked.
I turned it around,
What a relief!
I don’t need to keep myself broke in order to be liked or to like myself.
And I can like other people, regardless of how much money they have.
Thank you for reading this!
Have apparently unenjoyable things been happening to you lately?
If so, is there a theme or a word or phrase that jumps out at you?
And if so, what thought or belief is sitting underneath it?
And are you willing to identify with a more friendly thought or belief?
I’d love to hear if you’ve had unfriendly thoughts about having money, or not being liked if you have or do something.
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And so, I’m keeping on going with creating courses, despite that old belief of being too much!
My Kids, Screens and Aware Parenting Course starts on the 15th of September.
Click on the image below if you want to read the invitation page:
My Power and Powerlessness in Parenting Course starts another live round on the first of October.
Click on the image to find out more:
Thanks again for reading!
Lots of love,
Marion xxxx