It’s only recently that I realised that my, “we never get around to doing driving practice,” with my daughter was actually reflecting some deeper things going on.
You might use the word, ‘procrastination.’ We didn’t get around to doing it very much.
Once I realised that it was more than ‘just not getting around to it,’ I did The Willingness Practice with it.
Here’s how it went:
WHAT DO I WANT?
For Lana to have her licence so she can drive herself to homeschooling events and ballet.
AM I WILLING?
Yee….ss (in other words, not a whole body yes!)
WHY NOT? WHAT AM I SCARED OF? WHAT AM I PROTECTING MYSELF FROM? WHAT NEEDS AND VALUES AM I WORRIED WON’T GET MET IF THIS HAPPENS?
1. I’m scared that I’ll lose connection with her.
Inner Loving Presence: I hear that you feel scared, sweetheart. I hear how much you want to stay connected with her.
Flipping this into what I do want: I really want to stay connected with her, or be even more connected than we are.
2. I’m scared when I think I will lose my identity as a mother.
ILP: I hear that you feel scared, and that you don’t want to lose your identity as a mother. And I want to remind you that this is part of your identity as a mother; supporting your daughter in spreading her wings.
What I do want: To have an identity as a mother who supports her children in individuating.
3. I’m scared when I think I will lose importance and value when I’m not doing all the driving.
ILP: I hear that you’re scared that you’ll lose importance and value. I’m here and I’m listening. I hear that you want to be of importance and value.
What I do want: To be of importance and value in supporting her in individuating and in taking my next steps too.
4. I really want her to be safe.
ILP: Of course you want her to be safe, sweetheart!
What I do want: For her to be safe.
5. I’m scared of losing control.
ILP: I hear that you’re scared of losing control, sweetheart.
What I do want: To have even more choice and autonomy once she can drive, to do other things.
SO, I add all of these together:
I WANT:
For Lana to have her licence so she can drive herself to homeschooling events and ballet AND
I really want to stay connected with her, or be even more connected than we are AND
For her to be safe AND
To have an identity as a mother who supports her children in individuating AND
To be of importance and value in supporting her in individuating and in taking my next steps too AND
To have even more choice and autonomy once she can drive, to do other things.
AM I WILLING?
YES!!!!! yes yes yes!!!
woohoooo!!!
I also have these written down, so I can refer back to them and reconnect with my willingness!
If you want to learn more about The Willingness Practice and how you can use it in your life, I have two offerings that you might enjoy.
One is a Masterclass on Procrastination, Willingness and Inner Coercion.
The other is my Wonder of Willingness Course.
xoxoxox