How many of your most painful parenting moments involved you feeling powerless?
Powerlessness is deeply painful and can come from thoughts, present moment needs or past feelings.
1. Thoughts ~ Were you telling yourself things like, “I can’t do this parenting thing any more.”
2. Unmet needs ~ Did you have unmet needs for choice and autonomy (eg. you were desperately wanting to get out of the house with them and they just wouldn’t put their shoes on?)
3. Feelings from the past ~ Did your child’s “no” remind you of when you wanted to do something as a child and were told, “no!”
Or perhaps they kept on doing things you asked them to stop, and it reminded you of how you felt when your parents, teachers or siblings were doing something unwanted to you and wouldn’t stop when you asked them to?
Powerlessness can lead to power-over.
The more we:
choose what we’re thinking about our child’s behaviour,
take regular actions to meet our needs,
and lovingly listen to painful powerlessness feelings from the past,
the less likely we will use power-over our children.
If you want to understand this more deeply, you can in my Powerlessness, Power-over and Power-with in Parenting Masterclass.
And if you want to dive in even deeper, I have a Power and Powerlessness in Parenting Course.
Lael Stone and I also have a podcast in The Aware Parenting Podcast called Power in Parenting, Politics and Partnering and you can listen on Soundcloud HERE or on the usual podcast platforms.