Please note that I will be sharing about flooding and storms in this post.
Here where I live in Mullumbimby, Northern NSW, we have severe weather warnings for later in the week, from the effects of Cyclone Alfred.
This is almost three years to the week when we were deeply affected by flooding.
If you’re in Northern NSW or Southern QLD, I’m sending you so much love. If you have a child or children, this post is for you.
Play is so powerful to support children (and adults) to prepare for potentially stressful events, and to heal from them.
Attachment play, part of Aware Parenting, is a way of working with children’s innate capacity for learning and healing.
Play is one of the ways children make sense of their world, learn about things, and heal from stress and trauma.
PREPARATION:
FOLLOW YOUR CHILD’S LEAD: many children will do what they see us doing.
They might naturally make up their own games, and if so, you can trust their innate wisdom. They know how to make sense of the world through play.
If we’re cleaning gutters and trimming trees, they might try to join in.
If we’re buying torches and putting batteries in them, they might play games with torches.
If you can find ways to include them, or to support them in their play, that will help them.
Perhaps they might have their own torch that they can play games with. If they are engaged in the play, they are likely making sense of what’s going on.
If they are laughing, that’s a clear sign they’re releasing stress.
You might be feeling stressed and overwhelmed, but knowing that them playing games about these things is helping them might help you be less likely to react when they are playing the games.
However, you might also want to offer particular kinds of games.
CREATING PARTICULAR GAMES: You can also add in particular forms of attachment play.
POWER-REVERSAL GAMES might be most helpful at this time, and afterwards.
These are where we pretend to be less powerful than them, and pretend to be frustrated, scared, or confused about that.
For example, they might be pulling along some sticks from a tree, and we might pretend to keep being knocked over, and being surprised about how strong they are.
Again, if they’re laughing, they’re releasing stress, particularly powerlessness, which is so normal to feel at times like this.
Part of the healing process is not only releasing the stress, it’s returning from feeling powerless to feeling powerful. Power-reversal games are really helpful for that.
SYMBOLIC PLAY:
Symbolic play is where we suggest play themes or toys that symbolise a stressful or traumatic experience, and then support our child to take the lead in how they play.
So, we might offer our child items that support them to play through whatever they might be observing around them. That might be setting up a pretend shop where there are teddies as customers if they’ve been to a shop and seen not much on the shelves, for example.
AFTERWARDS:
Even if nothing untoward happens, children will have picked up on the stress in the air, and are likely to need to release that stress.
There’s two main ways they will do that: play/laughter and crying/raging.
They’re also likely to need lots of closeness. Children who are sleeping in their own room might want to go back to co-sleeping. Toddlers might want to be carried a lot more. They’re needing to know that they are safe.
A sense of safety is required for healing to happen through either laughter/play or crying/raging.
If a child believes that they are still in danger, they are lightly to stay in fight, flight, or freeze, rather than move into healing from any stress or trauma.
Signs of being in fight, flight, or freeze:
Hitting, throwing, biting (literally in fight mode);
Running away (in flight);
Gazed look, thumb sucking, repeated nose picking or hair twirling, wanting to be constantly on a screen or reading a book, wanting to eat lots, or of particular foods like sweets or chocolate.
They need to know they’re safe, and that requires us to feel a sense of safety in ourselves.
So you might find that it takes a while until they start moving into the healing process, because you need to do some healing first.
Power-reversal games and symbolic play are also likely to be the two of nine types of attachment play that are most helpful.
You might also find non-directive child-centred play really important to build that safety. This is where you give them your undivided attention and follow their lead for a set period of time.
This might be hard if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or flooded with feelings yourself.
I invite you to connect in with neighbours if you have them, talk with friends, cry, rage, and also laugh, if you feel the inclination! Laughter really is deeply healing. You might be surprised to find yourself laughing and being playful in this situation, but this is your deep inner wisdom for healing at play!
If this post is relevant for you, I invite you to screenshot it to have it on your phone in case you need it, or even to write some notes as reminders on a piece of paper.
I’m so willing for you to not need it!
I also invite you to share this with anyone whom you think might find it helpful.
If you want more understanding about attachment play and its power to prepare for, and heal from stressful events, you might enjoy my Attachment Play Course.
The link is HERE
So so much love
xoxox