In March 2025, I will have been an Aware Parenting instructor for 20 years.
In that journey of working with thousands of parents, and in my own 23 year practice of Aware Parenting and being friends with many people who practice Aware Parenting or who are Aware Parenting instructors, I’ve seen what is possible for many families.
(Whilst holding in mind that each family is so unique, and as parents we each come with different histories, past trauma, daily stresses, and amount of support. And that each child is different and has different past experiences and innate potentialities.)
I invite every parent to be unwilling to compare themselves to other parents, and to be unwilling to judge themselves and their parenting.
Even when we’re dedicated to Aware Parenting, it’s so natural for most families to go through times of stress, such as challenges in areas of finance, relationships, physical symptoms, weather events, or simply living in the time and culture we do. At times of more stress, it’s so natural that we will be affected, and so will our children.
However, holding in mind that we all grew up with stresses and can go through stressful periods, and live in a culture which doesn’t support families, Aware Parenting does offer amazing possibilities and potentialities:
Here are the potential gifts of the THREE aspects of Aware Parenting:
Attachment-style parenting (i.e. a focus on closeness and attunement);
Non-punitive discipline (i.e. searching for the true causes of behaviour and responding at that level);
Preventing stress and trauma wherever possible, and when it does inevitably happen, supporting children’s innate healing responses of crying, tantrums, play, laughter, and talking.
BABIES AND CHILDREN CAN EXPERIENCE:
Being really SAFE and protected, so that they are naturally gentle with others;
Being held and CHERISHED;
Being unconditionally LOVED, however they feel and whatever they do;
Being really UNDERSTOOD;
Deep RELAXATION, so they naturally find it easy to sleep when they’re tired and sleep restfully and for as long as they need;
Deep PRESENCE and AWARENESS, so they feel really connected with their bodies and feelings and can experience connection and presence with their parents, other children, animals, and nature;
CLARITY, so they find it easy to think clearly and to concentrate for long periods.
PARENTS CAN EXPERIENCE:
Deep LOVE for their child which permeates through their lives, even when things are challenging;
Really UNDERSTANDING what is going on for their child, and the clarity that comes from that;
A deep BOND which continues into the teenage and early adult years;
KNOWING what they can do when challenges arise.
PARENTS CAN ENJOY THAT THEIR CHILDREN ARE GENERALLY:
Relaxed and connected, so that they are a PLEASURE to be around;
Willing to CONTRIBUTE and COOPERATE;
Relaxed and safe, so they can SLEEP when they’re tired, sleep restfully, and for as long as they need;
Naturally GENTLE with them, with other children, with animals, and with belongings.
ONCE THEY BECOME ADULTS, CHILDREN WHO WERE BROUGHT UP WITH AWARE PARENTING ARE OFTEN:
Deeply CONNECTED with themselves;
Lovingly COMPASSIONATE with others, including animals;
CLEAR thinkers, able to think in creative ways;
Want to CONTRIBUTE to others and to the world;
Very PRESENT, experiencing the present moment.
FOR THE CULTURE AND FOR THE WORLD:
They bring COMPASSION and connection to the people they meet, work with, collaborate with, and have relationships with;
They think CLEARLY about challenges and often find new ways of doing things;
They are UNWILLING to be coerced into doing what doesn’t fit with their values;
They are more likely to UNDERSTAND the source of another’s behaviour, and less likely to react with harshness, leading to more harmony and easeful conflict resolution.
They have fewer accumulated feelings, so they are less reactive and are less likely to go into fight, flight, or freeze.
They are far LESS likely to do things that are hurtful to other humans, animals, or the planet;
They have FEWER control patterns, so they’re less likely to need to buy lots of things to suppress painful feelings;
They are far LESS likely to use violence;
They are far LESS likely to judge another based on different values, skin colour, or place of origin, and more likely to connect with understanding and empathy to people who are different to them.
I have seen the incredible effects of Aware Parenting in my own family’s life, despite the challenges we’ve been through (including divorce, floods, and other things!)
This isn’t about trying to be perfect. I don’t use the word ‘perfect’, as I see it as a Disconnected Domination Culture term.
Aware Parenting can help our families to experience MORE of these potentialities. (Rather than this being a list to compare ourselves to and judge ourselves if we see our family being different to any of these!)
I’m sending love to you and however you feel when you read these.
I’m here to remind you that whatever you’ve done in the past, and however old your child or children are (including if they’re adults), it’s never too late to take our own unique steps in the Aware Parenting journey.
If you want to dive deeper into Aware Parenting, I recommend Aletha Solter, PhD’s books, and my books, courses, and The Aware Parenting Podcast.
There are also many other incredible resources from other Aware Parenting instructors too!
The Aware Parenting Virtual Village is still coming too!
Big love,
xoxox