Human beings are so wise.
Whether we’re a child or an adult, if we suddenly start crying or raging in response to something that is clearly very small, then it tells us that the crying is about the past, not the present.
This is a core understanding in Aware Parenting.
With children, there is no place this is so clear as with the broken cookie phenomenon.
This is where a child suddenly starts crying or raging in response to toast cut into triangles rather than rectangles, or you handing them a blue cup rather than a pink one.
In the Disconnected Domination Culture (a Marion Method term), we’re taught to think there is something “wrong” with a child doing this, that they are “overreacting” or “dysregulated”.
In Aware Parenting, created by Aletha Solter, PhD. we see this situation as a sign of their innate wisdom.
Because of their intrinsic drive for healing and wholeness, they have found something in the present that is clearly safe, as a portal and pretext for their deeper feelings to emerge.
They need to feel safe in the present in order to express painful feelings from the past.
The triangle toast or the pink cup are clear beacons for safety.
We are there with them, offering them support.
So they’re now safe to feel, express, and release painful feelings from the past.
I LOVE supporting parents to reclaim their understanding of the innate wisdom of their children’s bodies and their own!
If you’d like to deepen your understanding of the healing power of tears and tantrums, and exactly how you can support your child to express their feelings to you (including if they dissociate when you get close, or they tell you to go away), my latest course, ‘Tantrums and Tears’, which is for parents who are new to Aware Parenting, as well as those who are deeply familiar with it, is here!