Yes and No, Willingness and Unwillingness are all very much in my consciousness right now!
In our most recent The Aware Parenting Podcast, Lael and I talked about How to Say No.
Then, last night in one of my local Aware Parenting Circles, we did some role play around saying no.
I’m also feeling called to ramp up my own willingness practices (which is all about saying YES to what we really want to have, do or be), including writing our my willingness practices each morning,
and this morning, I spent a big chunk of time playing rough and tumble with my 12 year old son where he played with repeatedly saying, “no” (just like we had in the circle last night).
I’d love to talk more about saying YES and NO.
Until recently, growing up as a child in this Western culture often meant that we lost contact with our authentic yes and no.
What do I mean by that?
We may have heard things like, “you can’t have what you really want,” told we were selfish if we asked for what we wanted, or even in the midst of feeling joyful exuberance, been shamed or punished.
As for saying no, we might have been ignored, shamed or punished when we said, “no” to something, from doing homework, to not wanting to be tickled, to being hugged by relatives we didn’t know, to simply not wanting to “do what we were told.”
Many of us lost touch with our own inner barometer and a sense of safety and trust in saying yes to what is a yes for us and a no to what is a no.
That can be from everything to what food our body needs, what we need to keep us healthy, to our friendships, partnerships and soul callings.
I remember when I was younger being in relationships where I kept on being treated in unenjoyable ways.
Even though I didn’t want to be treated like that, I was willing to be treated like that.
I would often think that I just needed to do more inner work, rather than saying no to situations that weren’t serving me.
I often said yes when I actually didn’t want to do things, and would feel guilty if I even wanted to say no.
I began to realise that if I said I didn’t want something, but I kept on putting up with it, I was saying to Life that I WAS willing to have that experience.
I also realised that I could want to have, do or be something, but if I wasn’t truly willing to have, do or be it, then I wouldn’t have, do or be that.
I learnt to claim my yeses and no’s and to trust the inner body sense that told me whether I had a yes or a no to something.
I LOVE being so much more comfortable with my yeses and no’s!
My Willingness Practice has been a key part of that.
For example, today I wrote out my desires for the day and did The Willingness Practice for each of them.
Later on, I was doing some rough and tumble with my son as we were talking about brushing his hair.
We were laughing and laughing as he kept on saying, “no.”
I could tell that he was releasing and expressing some of his no’s from the past that he hadn’t had the chance to express.
And because I’ve been focussing so much lately on my own yeses and no’s, and because of my Willingness Practices that morning, I could keep on playing and listening and honouring his no’s.
I didn’t react or feel powerless; I simply stayed connected and supported and heard him in the expression of his, “no.”
When we have a no to something, or a yes to something, the next step is to stay true to those – to keep reconnecting with the “Yes, I am willing, “ or the, “No, I’m not willing,” whatever happens!
This is us staying connected with our Soul.
What is it that you want, and are you willing to have, do or be that?
And what is is that you don’t want, and are you willing to say no to that unwanted thing or experience?
And if you want to learn my Willingness Practice, I have three options –
1. to get The Willingness Practice for free (but it doesn’t have the Quantum Quick version),
2. to read the ebook ($4),
3. to do The Wonder of Willingness Course!