Hello!

How are you?

Usually we each have very personal reasons for having the passions that we have.

I’ve been passionate about understanding why we are the way we are, and what we can do to help babies and children lead happier lives, for 29 years now, since I first started my psychology degree at age 19.

As I started to learn about how our birth and early years have such an influence on our lives, I began to reflect on my early experiences as a baby.

I was premature, and was in an incubator for the first 5 weeks of my life.

As a little girl, I remember often feeling scared and lonely.

As I learnt more and more about babies and children, through my Ph.D. at Cambridge University, and then 8 years of psychotherapy training whilst being a Research Fellow, I realised how much those early weeks had influenced me.

I understood why I felt so scared so often.

I spent most of my twenties in weekly therapy, mostly as part of my psychotherapy training.

And that’s where I connected with those feelings of those early weeks, the deep loss, the sadness, the longing to be held.

And after many more years of personal development, and having done lots of different therapies and modalities, I still see the influence of that experience now.

I sometimes feel terrified when things remind me of that time – like when my Mum is sick and I get afraid of losing her (again), or when I’m in a lift (elevator) and it reminds me of being enclosed in the incubator.

And about once a year, I wake up in the night feeling terrified.
 

It’s really been Aware Parenting that has helped me understand this the most.

I really understand now how experiences in the present remind us of feelings from the past that didn’t get heard, so that we can feel and express those feelings to a loving listener.

So I keep on listening to that little baby me when I feel deep feelings of loss, or fear, or terror. And now I have my Inner Loving Crew to be with that little part of me too.

And I see that it is those early experiences which drive my passion for Aware Parenting.

Because I hope that my words can help parents understand how terrifying it can be for a baby to be left alone to cry. Perhaps that they will feel encouraged to stay with their baby when she is upset.

Because I want to help parents understand that babies don’t have a sense of time, and if they are left alone to cry, it can feel like forever.

Because I want to help parents see that if their baby was separated from them, either at birth, or through medical intervention, or through controlled crying, that their little one will have those feelings of sadness, loss, confusion and fear to express.

And that those feelings might often come out when there are separations – like daycare or school, or trips, or bedtime, (even with co-sleeping, because when we go to sleep, there is still a kind of separation).

And that their child might have big cries or tantrums as they get older, which is them healing from those early experiences.

And that even though it sometimes seems the most compassionate thing to distract them from those feelings,

that if we distract them, they don’t get to heal from those early experiences, and they carry those feelings around with them in their bodies.

Because I want to help parents listen to the feelings of their baby or child, so that that little one can heal from their early experiences, even if there wasn’t any trauma.

And that is why my free and paid sleep online courses are so dear to me.
 

Because it is at nighttime that our past hurts and painful feelings often emerge.

Even for us as adults. Past losses, fears and terrors can bubble up at night.

And that is what often happens for babies and children.

Feelings bubble up at night to be heard.

And it is often where parents get so desperate that they turn to controlled crying, because they are longing for more sleep.

Or they keep on feeding, rocking, jiggling, thinking that restless sleep is just what babies and children do.

It is my longing to have been held close when I was a baby and child, and to have my crying heard, so I could heal from those early experiences, that is one of the main drivers of me creating these courses.

I don’t want other babies to experience what I experienced, and still sometimes experience.

I know from my own experiences with my own children that with enough closeness and listening to their uncomfortable feelings, babies and children can sleep peacefully.

And I want other parents to have the opportunity to experience what I experienced with my children; the profound honour of listening to their feelings, and the loveliness of having plenty of restful sleep!

As part of this passion, I made this video last week:

And I made a free course – A Free Introduction to Sound Sleep and Secure Attachment with Aware Parenting.

CLICK HERE or on the image below to find out more.

And here is the paid course – I’ve updated it from last year, with an audio library for commonly asked questions!  

CLICK HERE or on the image below to find out more.