I would love to tell you about Present Time with my 13 year old daughter the other day!
We often avoid Present Time with each other – and often when we do it, she will often ask me to do things like sit and do a crossword with her.
(Present Time is the term I give to what Aletha Solter calls “non directed child-centred play.”
But for the past several months, I have been aiming to do it every day with both of my children. So if I don’t do it one day, I just aim to do it the next day. And I’ve made my Love Being a Mother journal,which I use myself, and if I don’t do it, I will often fill in the section that says, “I’m mourning…” – with the words, “Not doing PT with Lana.” And in the next section, which says, “Next time, I’ll…” I write, “Practice PT with Lana.” So I just keep on aiming to do it!
Anyway, a few days ago, when I offered it to her, we were sitting in the hammock together. And suddenly, she just launched into doing funny impersonations of someone making youtube videos (she and her brother like watching youtube videos of people playing Minecraft). She would change accents, from very posh English, to Californian teenager, to true-blue Aussie, and many more. And then the videos turned into youtube tutorials of putting on make-up (which neither of us wear!)
Well, she obviously hit my sweet spot around making videos, because within minutes I was laughing hysterically. So loudly, that I imagined that all the street could hear! You know that laughter where it feels like the deepest, most satisfying release from the solar plexus!
My son joined us on the hammock, and also watched, enthralled, as she spent the whole of the 30 minutes (and carried on after that) regaling us with impersonations, accents, and incredibly funny faces.
It was incredibly wonderful.
And that’s what I love about Present Time. So many parents write and tell me that they do it to contribute to their children, but then have the wonderful side-effect of also feeling more connected and loving with their children, more connected with themselves, and getting to heal from their own painful and frustrating feelings!
I imagine she was healing from the things that so many teenage girls deal with – looks and looking and speaking in a certain way. And although she doesn’t experience those issues in ways that teenagers who go to school do, she is certainly influenced by those cultural effects.
I love that about attachment play – and in fact, all of aware parenting. That it is an ongoing incredible journey of learning, discovery and healing.