Have you ever noticed that your child can become extra playful, just when you’re wanting them to wind down to sleep?
One of the many things I love about Aware Parenting is the deep trust it has in a child’s innate wisdom.
A child’s psyche, body (including the nervous system and all the other systems) are set up to facilitate restful and nourishing sleep.
And of course, that makes sense, doesn’t it, given that sleep is so important for our wellbeing!
It wouldn’t make sense from an evolutionary perspective that children would need to be taught to sleep, or would take years to be able to sleep soundly.
For example, when children are being extra playful in the evening, they’re trying to use their natural relaxation mechanism so they can feel relaxed enough to sleep.
Joining in and playing with them in particular ways helps maximise two of the key things they need to be able to sleep soundly:
1. It helps them feel deeply connected, signalling to their nervous system that it’s safe to sleep;
(again, think of all of those years pre-industrialisation where children always slept close to adults, and where feeling disconnected would have equalled possible danger.)
2. Play and laughter help them release pent-up feelings such as frustration, fear and powerlessness from their body so they feel physically and emotionally relaxed and can sleep more peacefully.
(this is part of the amazing set of release and relaxation mechanisms we’re all born with.)
And what about that old adage, “it will all end in tears”?
Tears are another part of a child’s natural relaxation mechanism, as long as we are listening with loving presence.
The more connected and relaxed a child feels, the easier it is for them to go to sleep and sleep peacefully and restfully.
We can follow their lead with this:
If they are jumping around and being silly, we can jump around and be silly with them!
If they’re doing silly goofy things, we can join in and do those with them.
If they’re laughing and having fun, and suddenly they get pinchy or bitey or hitty, we can set a Loving Limit and listen to the feelings that the attachment play has helped bubble up to the surface.
If they want to keep playing for hours even though they’re clearly tired, we can set a Loving Limit and listen to the feelings, knowing that unexpressed feelings are preventing them from feeling relaxed enough to sleep.
If they’re laughing and suddenly the laughter turns to tears or a tantrum, we can stay lovingly present with them and listen to the feelings that are naturally coming up to be expressed so that they can sleep more peacefully. We can respond lovingly, “I’m here with you, sweetheart. I’m listening.”
Trusting children and their natural relaxation mechanisms can make all the difference when it comes to sleep!
The more we understand attachment play (created by Aletha Solter, Ph.D.) the more we can cooperate with all the ways children are naturally using play to relax, heal, connect and understand their world.
If you’d like to dive deeper into attachment play, I have an ATTACHMENT PLAY MASTERCLASS – Using play to elicit cooperation, create connection, prevent aggression and release repression.
In this masterclass, I will help you understand why children don’t cooperate, or are aggressive or repress their feelings, and I will show you particular forms of attachment play that not only help you feel more connected with your child, but also help elicit cooperation, prevent aggression and release repression.
It’s in the Attachment Play Course group.
This is most suitable for parents of children aged 2-8.