Hello again!

Wow, what a couple of weeks it has been here at my house!

How have things been for you?

My son has had a cough for a couple of weeks so there’s been lots of us being awake at night, and lots of making honey drinks, and having my Inner Loving Mother with me so that my Outer Loving Mother can pour love on him rather than get frustrated!

I’ve also been redesigning and launching my attachment play course, which you’ve probably noticed!

And the wonderful thing is, Sunny and I have found a way to stay deeply connected, despite me working lots and him wanting to stop himself from coughing by watching a screen!

It’s helped me realise that, whatever the situation, there is a way to stay deeply connected!

And today, I’ve been reflecting on WHY this attachment play course is so important to me?

And of course, part of it is making a living as a single mum.

And part of it is loving the theory and practice, and the creativity of making memes and sign up pages and ebooks and so on!

But the real juice of my motivation comes, of course, from my own experience.

When my daughter was six, Aletha’s book Attachment Play hadn’t been written or published.

As an Aware Parenting instructor, I knew about the power of play and laughter to release feelings and help create cooperation, but I didn’t understand it really deeply, and I didn’t have the support of other people who knew much about what I called “Laughter Games” then.

I’d read other articles with ideas, but I simply didn’t understand it deeply enough, and had not seen enough examples of it, to really practice it in my own challenging situations.

And we did have one particular situation.

My daughter and her teeth.

At six, she had a severe underbite and we found a dentist who fitted a ‘plate’ – something that she wore 24 hours a day to help her top jaw get bigger.

You can see it in this picture:

At night time, she wore an attachment which pulled her jaw more forward.

I could help her with her feelings around this – the ones that came out in tears anyway – she had some huge big cries.

But the one thing I didn’t seem to be able to help with was her teeth brushing.

Night after night she didn’t want to brush her teeth.

And because she had this plate, food would accumulate around the metal parts.

And I tried the Laughter Games I knew, and asked others for ideas, but I didn’t really understand it really really deeply enough or have enough ideas and games.

At times I would get incredibly frustrated, and a few times I used power over her, which I felt so sad about afterwards.

In the end, she had severe tooth decay around one of the teeth where the metal part was, and that tooth needed to be extracted, and it was a really traumatic extraction for her – one which she hasn’t yet healed from, again because I didn’t think of playing lots of power-reversal dentist role plays with her afterwards.

When I look back now, what I would have longed to have was my own attachment play course.

I would have longed to really understand how attachment play works,

to see videos of it in action,

to have 5 different ideas about toothbrushing games I could play,

and a Facebook group where I could ask for empathy, compassion, and ideas for other attachment play games.

I would have wanted to hear from other parents who understood and had found solutions and strategies.

And that is why I’m so passionate about my attachment play course.

Because I am fairly sure that I had got a chance to do a course like that 9 years ago, I would have been able to help Lana brush her teeth;

I could have stayed connected with her each night, and she probably wouldn’t have gone through a traumatic tooth extraction.

And if even one parent gets to find a way of playfully helping their child eat vegetables,

or brush their teeth,

or get to the car,

or stop hitting their sibling.

If even one parent felt more connected with their child,

had fewer or no power struggles

and never needed to resort to using power-over,

then all these hours I have spent making, and then tweaking, this course, would be worthwhile.

And fortunately, I have already had feedback like that.

Sarah found that the course helped her with the food issues that she had been trying to help her son with for years.

Georgie found that it helped her stay compassionately connected and playful with her son when he sucked his thumb.

Katalin found that she felt more connected with her son, and felt the most playful and silly and happy that she had in her adult life.

And Marieke found that her daughter became so much more cooperative.

 

But it was when I read Alex’s words, that I cried.

To hear that she had taken on the material and the videos and the self-reflections, and simply run with them, going far beyond I have gone with attachment play, was such a joy.

But when I read that that she realised her “own power to create, entertain, and connect” with her child, and that she wanted to “high-5 the universe”, that just did it for me.

I’m just so grateful that I get to do something that I love, and that it makes a difference to parents and to children.

I’m so grateful that every day I get to meet, and connect with, other mothers who want to keep learning and growing and becoming more connected and compassionate towards themselves, their children, and the others in their lives.

Thank you for letting me send these emails to you!

Remember the simple power of being playful, and how it can turn around a struggle into fun and connection, and the importance of getting support when things get challenging!

Love,

Marion xxx