A time machine to the past:
Do you remember painful things happening to you as a child?
And do you see those painful feelings showing up in your life today?
Perhaps with your partner when they don’t seem to be listening to your feelings and needs, and it reminds you of when you were a child and instead of empathy, you heard things like, “you’re not upset,” “there’s nothing to cry about,” or, “here, have a biscuit to cheer you up.”
Often, when we’re feeling big feelings in the now, those feelings are from the past.
Maybe you notice that when your child keeps doing something you don’t want them to do after you’ve asked them to stop, you feel a rage bubbling inside you. Perhaps the rage isn’t in response to what your child is doing, but comes from a time where your older brother used to tickle you and wouldn’t stop when you asked him to.
The wonderful thing is, we can listen to those younger parts of us, give them empathy, and then offer reparative experiences.
For example, to your inner child needing empathy;
The empathy – “I hear that you’re upset, sweetheart. I’m here. I’m listening.”
The repair – “I welcome your feelings. I love listening to your feelings. I’ll always stay with you when you’re upset.”
And to your inner child needing protection;
The empathy – “I hear how powerless you felt when you were tickled. Of course you feel outraged. I’m here with you, and I’m listening to all your feelings about this.”
The repair – “I’m not willing for you to tickle your sister, Harry. Emily, I’m here to protect you from being tickled. I’m not willing for Harry to tickle you.”
I wonder if you might like to have a go of something like this right now – perhaps not with a huge trauma, but with something where you have painful feelings showing up in the present that you know relate to the past.
Would you like to give that younger you some empathy for what they experienced?
What reparative experience would they like to have, and are you willing to give that to them?
When I do this, I so often feel such a deep sense of relief in my body.
I often sigh and literally feel my nervous system relaxing.
How was it for you? I’d love to hear!
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
If you’d like more of a framework and support for this kind of inner work, this process is part of my Inner Loving Presence Process Course.
In the course, you are also invited to connect with your inner loving presences, such as your Inner Loving Mother, Inner Loving Father, Inner Best Friend and Inner Beloved.
These inner relationships can make all the difference when you are feeling painful feelings or needing support or protection.
The wonderful thing is, that as we increasingly develop these inner relationships, they affect our outer relationships too.
For example, Sarah said,
“I’ve been LOVING giving myself and my child 5 minutes of empathy each day, and used it today to diffuse and create some compassionate space around a disagreement with my husband… after just a few quiet moments I came to such a peaceful resolution, and felt space around my reactions in such a beautiful way!
Marion Rose, I just wanted to thank you for your inspiring and caring teachings, and the space they give us as mothers! I am often using the inner loving mother process too, and it is absolutely amazing how it takes the “wind out of my sails” of self judgment and harsh-ness!
SO SO NECESSARY for this work-in-progress-mama! but more and more I am finding myself choosing this deep compassion for myself, which makes the compassion I have cultivated for others SO MUCH MORE AUTHENTIC!”
I have one last live round of the Inner Loving Presence Process Course this year, and it is also a prerequisite to my Marion Method Training, starting in Jan 2020.