Does your child pick their nose?
What do you tell yourself is the cause and how do you feel and act when you think that?
From an Aware Parenting perspective, nose picking is one of the myriad ways that children use to dissociate from uncomfortable feelings.
When we understand the cause of the nose picking, we are likely to feel much more compassion for our child, and are more likely to be able to respond in ways that help them with the cause of the behaviour (the suppressed feelings).
In Aware Parenting, one of those helpful responses is attachment play, which helps them feel more connected with us and helps them release the lighter feelings through laughter.
Here are a couple of attachment play games:
The ice-cream game
You can pretend that you want to taste their bogies/boogers, and say that you imagine that they taste like delicious ice cream, and talk about all the flavours it has. Ask, “does it really taste like ice cream?”and when they offer it to you, you pretend that it tastes like green sludge, and make a big mock “noooooo, you said it would taste like ice cream!” If they laugh, play it over and over!
The “I-hope you aren’t picking your nose” game
You can say something like, “I’m sure that you won’t be picking your nose when I turn around,” and turn away, and turn back again, and be mock surprised that they are still doing it! Repeat again and again if they are laughing!
Like all attachment play, the connection and laughter loosen up the deeper feelings, so you can also expect that after play like this they might suddenly have a big cry or rage over a small pretext. You can stay close and listen lovingly, “I’m here and I’m listening.”
Understanding when children are suppressing feelings that are bubbling up, and knowing how we can respond to help them express those feelings can make a huge difference in how they feel and how they behave and in our relationship with them.
If you want to help your child repress fewer of their feelings and express more, you might like my Making Friends with Children’s Feelings Course.