Loving Limits are the divine expression of Love and Will; Feminine and Masculine.
In this domination/colonised culture, we are not often shown how to hold Loving Limits.
We’ve often seen the split between Love and Will – which means that we think that being loving means putting up with harshness, or that true power means not being loving.
I believe that we are in a powerful time where we are being called to understand how to bring together Love and Will in really practical and tangible ways, so that we see for example, that a Neo No can be one of the most loving things we can say.
We can use Loving Limits:
In our relationship with ourselves;
In our relationships with our children;
In our internalised relationships;
In relationships with other humans;
In relationship to politics, politicians and wider culture.
Here are some examples:
Loving Limits in our relationship with ourselves:
Any harsh inner dialogue we have is what we’ve internalised from our family and culture. Instead of continuing to hit ourselves with ongoing emotional sticks of judgment, guilt and shame, we can be compassionate with ourselves for why we needed to learn to do that to ourselves, and set a Loving Limit with the harsh inner dialogue. So there’s first the self-compassion for learning that self-talk, and then the limit: “I’m not willing to say those words about myself.”
Loving Limits in our relationships with our children:
There are two key ways where we might choose to use Loving Limits with our children; when they are moving to aggression or repression. In a Loving Limit here, we are saying “no” to the behaviour and “yes” to the underlying feelings. So we might move in as our child is about to hit another child, do the minimum possible to stop the hitting, such as holding their hand, alongside something like, “I’m not willing for you to hit, and I’m here and I’m listening.” This isn’t about expecting them to simply stop and say, “okay!” We know that there is pain underneath the behaviour, and in stopping the behaviour we are willing to lovingly listen to those feelings that were causing it in the first place.
Loving Limits in our internalised relationships:
When we are listening to the hurts of our inner children, Loving Limits can be really helpful. We can say a really big energetic ’Neo No’ to the people in the past that hurt us, whilst also holding compassion for why they did what they did (when that compassion naturally arrives).
Loving Limits in our relationships with other humans:
We’ve often learnt in this culture to either put up with things that are painful for us and to keep saying “yes” when we have a “no” (particularly as women). Loving Limits can help us be compassionate with the reason for the other’s actions, whilst also saying a clear “Neo No” to behaviour that is painful for us. “I see that you’re upset, and I’m not willing for you to talk to me like that.”
Loving Limits in relation to politics and wider culture:
When we look at the actions of politicians or others ‘in power’ who are doing things that are against our values, we can say a clear, “I am not willing for you to do that,” whilst holding compassion for the underlying reasons why they are doing that (which could be their cultural conditioning or childhood trauma).
Loving Limits help us stand in our true nature as Lovingness and Willingness, as Love and Sacred Power.
We can have compassion for the underlying reasons why people do what they do, whilst also having a very clear energetic and tangible ‘Neo No’ to their behaviour.
We can say, “No” to judging ourselves, whilst being compassionate with why we needed to learn to judge ourselves to be safe and belong.
We can say, “No” to our child that is hitting, whilst being compassionate with the underlying frustration, fear or powerlessness that is causing the hitting.
We can say, “No” to the people in the past that hurt us, whilst being compassionate for why they did what they did.
We can say, “No” to people who are treating us in painful ways, whilst being compassionate with what is causing that behaviour in them.
We can say, “No” to politicians and political structures and corporations, whilst being compassionate with what has led them to do what they do.
Loving Limits are a key part of Psychospiritual Parenting and ReParenting.
I’m so grateful to be on an ongoing exploration of Loving Limits in all these different areas of life. They’ve made a huge difference to me and my relationships and my experience of the world.
(‘Loving Limits’ and the ‘Neo No’ are both terms that came to me, and use in my work.)