Hello!

I know I’m writing to you a lot lately; I find that when I’m launching a course, I’m in the flow, and ideas just keep on coming to me that I want to share with you.

I imagine there will be a lull in the letters soon!

(Do you know about the flow process? I found it so helpful to understand the times of frustration, then flow, then post-flow. You get letters from me when I’m in the flow!)

Have you ever noticed yourself being afraid of having what you really want in case people might be jealous of you?
 

I was in a mastermind with my mentor Jana Kingsford yesterday.

I was sharing about how, on my vision board nearly 2 years ago, I had things like, going skiing, having my house cared for, and having my books published.

And for the first time, I started receiving money that might make it possible to have those things. Then I got scared. I didn’t do any of those things. And the money stopped coming in.

Until a few months ago, when my children basically encouraged me over and over again to do the skiing. And I LOVED it SO much. I hadn’t been for more than 20 years, and I absolutely loved it. And I came back feeling energised and deeply connected with my body and the power in my body. I am SO GLAD that I finally said yes!

And then, finally, the man who I’d asked to paint my decks, had some time spare to paint them.

And for the last week and a half, that’s what he’s been doing. The decks were all rotting away after years of no paint. 

I told Jana that I was scared of the “evil eye”, but that it was okay, because one whole deck had rotted so much that it’s been taken down, and I don’t have the money to have it fixed yet.

So people couldn’t be jealous of me, because although most of my decks look lovely, one is falling down and I’ve run out of money since the skiing and the decks!

I’ve seen all this before in myself. I’ve tried to change my beliefs about it.
 

But yesterday I had the aha moment! I used a question from my Inner Loving Presence Process, “What does this remind me of,” and I changed it to, “Who was jealous of me?”

And the answer came straight away. My half-sister. My Dad had left her Mum when he met my Mum, and she was only little. So I got to have our Dad and she didn’t. And he gave me more money than he gave to her.

And when I was older, she came to live with us. And 12 years older than me, and in emotional pain, at times she used her power over me in ways that I found painful.

I couldn’t believe that I’d never made the connection between her and jealousy and money and having things and experiences that I wanted before.

I was so excited to go off and do my Inner Loving Presence Process with this.

I did some last night, and some this morning.

And usually, I like to write to you when I’ve finished a whole process, and I’ve got the clarity, and everything is done and dusted.

But I felt called to write to you in the middle of the process.

Because, in this case, which is unusual for me, I found it quite hard to connect in with myself at 9, when she was living with us.

I want to share one thing I find about the ILPP. It’s a body thing and a feelings process. It’s not something that we can just do in our thoughts.

I believe that changing beliefs via hearing and healing old hurts is really a body and feelings process.

I needed to keep coming back to my breath, to take a conscious breath, to come back in to the body sense of how it was for me at those times when she was jealous of me and did things that I found hurtful.

This piece feels a little more intangible than my other memories. 

And I sense it is a big one, and may take a little time.

I wanted to share this to show that the ILPP isn’t always immediate. Our psyches sometimes take time to divulge the feelings that we’ve been protecting ourselves from for so long.

And yet there is already relief. 

Finally it makes so much sense that I have prevented myself from having the money and the experiences that I’d like, because in the past someone WAS jealous of what I had and DID do hurtful things to me in response.

I’d always thought that was just a general belief, “If I have what I want, people will feel jealous and will hurt me,” but now I see the actual original feeling cause and so making a change feels so much more tangible and do-able now!

Do you resonate?

Do you find that you have what you really want in your life? Not just in physical and financial terms, but in emotional, health and life terms?

And have you sensed that there is something in you that prevents you having what you want?

Perhaps you’ve even uncovered beliefs about what would happen if you had what you wanted?

Does it help to ask the question, “What does this remind me of?” or “Who was jealous of me?” Or “Who wanted something that I had” and to see what comes?

And if you want to dive deeper, the ILPP Course is still available.