Hello!

It’s my son’s 10th birthday next week, and with a 14 year old daughter too, I find myself reflecting on how it’s different now, with an older child and a teenager.

What’s different to looking after a baby and a younger child?

Well, I find it much easier. Of course they need less constant connection and support.

There’s less big feelings around.

I’m glad to say that my son still cries easily when he needs to, though!

There’s less attachment play than there was.

In a way, it’s like back to basics.

When they were babies and small children I remember being VERY aware that the way I was picking them up, responding to their needs and feelings, and talking to them, was what they were taking in.

That they would learn to treat themselves in those same ways.

And so, I found myself being very aware of speaking to them in loving, compassionate, aware ways.

And as they got a little older, that wasn’t so much at the centre of my attention.

But now they are older, and ask for less from me, and things are less intense, I find myself going back to basics.

Wanting to ensure that the majority of my responses to them are compassionate, empathic, loving, warm.

So, if my daughter asks me to do something for her – I like to do it for her.

Even though I know she can do it for herself. 

Because she doesn’t ask for so much nowadays.

And how beautiful that I still get the opportunity to contribute to her, at her age.

And I aim to respond compassionately and warmly and enthusiastically, whilst connecting with my true desire to give to her.

I notice that now they are older, the biggest effect I can have on them is how I respond to them.

I notice that if I go into fearful judgments, such as about the future, or how much screen time they’ve had, and I lose connection with myself and them, then they feel that immediately.

So, increasingly, I give myself compassion (well, my Inner Loving Mother gives me compassion), and I set loving limits with judgmental or future-fearful thoughts (my Inner Loving Father does that for me),

and I come back to my one goal – to stay lovingly connected with them.

And in the last couple of months, that has been my main focus – compassionately and lovingly connecting with them, in as many of our interactions as I can.

And I am LOVING it. 

Parenting again becomes a powerful practice.

I get to choose love. And compassion. And connection.

And I see how much they love it.

And it stops being ‘parenting’.

It becomes me and two other beings, living together, spending time with each other, being connected.

I wonder if any of this resonates with you.

Do you notice that the quality of your connection with yourself affects how connected you are with your children, and how they respond to you?

Do you notice that if you listen to judgmental thoughts, things go pear shaped pretty quickly?

Do you notice the power of choosing compassion and connection?

And if so, what helps you stay connected with yourself in the way that you most enjoy?

I want to remind you about my Free Inner Loving Presence Process Taster –

because I’ve found that in the last 18 months, my connection with my Inner Loving Mother and Inner Loving Father have made a huge difference in my life, and my relationship with my children.

You can find out more by clicking HERE or on the image below.

And here’s another reminder – my Living Aware Parenting Course starts tomorrow.

If you are practicing Aware Parenting, and you find yourself listening to your child’s feelings and needs and ignoring your own, or judging your control patterns and sweet spots, and you’d really like to apply Aware Parenting to yourself, then this might just be the course for you!

You can find out more HERE or by clicking on the image below.