Hello!

If you are practicing Aware Parenting, I wonder how you have changed, and how your perspective about Aware Parenting has changed, since you started practising Aware Parenting?

I remember clearly, more than fourteen years ago, when I started practising Aware Parenting with my daughter.

I thought I was going to do it perfectly.

I thought I was going to listen to 100% of her feelings.

I thought she was going to be totally free from control patterns.

I thought I would never get frustrated, or disconnected, or harsh.

 

Not only that, but I wanted everyone else to practice Aware Parenting, and to do it the way I was practising it!

When I reflect back on that woman I was then, I send her so much love and compassion.

And I see how much my Aware Parenting perspective widened to include myself and others, as I went along the journey.

 

I learnt that not only could I not do it perfectly, but that there isn’t such a thing as a perfect parent.

I learnt to have deep compassion for myself and all my very-much-less-than-perfect parts.

And with that, I found deep compassion for all other parents, whatever they were doing with their children.

 

I found acceptance for the fact that I wasn’t listening to 100% of her feelings, and couldn’t actually do that.

I found humility in seeing the places in me that couldn’t be with all of her feelings.

And I found compassion for other parents, and whatever feelings they could and couldn’t listen to in themselves and in their children.

I also found acceptance that I also wasn’t listening to 100% of my feelings either!

 

I found acceptance that she would have some control patterns.

And so, I also found compassion for myself when I engage in control patterns.

And I know, with absolute faith, that she has much fewer control patterns, and need for them, than I do!

 

And the day came when I got frustrated in reaction to her. She was six months old.

And then the day came that I could count the number of times I got frustrated on one hand. She was a year old.

And then the day came when the memories of the frustration were too many to count.

And although at first I was harsh with myself about that, and punished myself with self-judgment, over time I learnt to apply Aware Parenting to myself.

I knew that, just as children act harshly when they are not connected, their needs aren’t being met, or they have pent-up painful feelings, that parents do too. 

I learnt to set loving limits with self-harshness, and find deep self-compassion instead.

More and more, I applied Aware Parenting to myself and to other adults.

 

Instead of just listening compassionately to children’s feelings, I learnt to listen compassionately to my feelings, and other adults’ feelings.

Instead of just aiming to understand my daughter’s needs, I aimed to listen to mine too, and to the needs of other adults.

Instead of just not punishing my daughter, I refrained from judging myself and others harshly.

Instead of just aiming for connection with my daughter, I also aimed for connection with myself, and other adults.

Instead of just listening to her sweet spots, I also listened to my sweet spots, and those of other adults around me.

 

I LOVE how that most of the Aware Parenting principles and practices we use with children, we can use with ourselves, and other adults too.

When we are upset, we can listen.

When we have unmet needs, we can aim to meet those needs.

When we do something unwanted, we can listen compassionately to the needs and feelings underneath.

We can listen to crying in other adults.

We can go for connection with other adults.

We can do attachment play with other adults.

 

 Aware Parenting has helped me become more compassionate, more inclusive, more humble, and more real.

 

 

 

How about you; how have you evolved whilst you’ve been a parent? 

I invite you to take some time to reflect back on your journey so far. 

I think it is important to honour the journey we have been on, and mark where we are now.

 

And if you want to find out more about the Living Aware Parenting course, which is all about this process, click here.