I wonder what your relationship with screens is like?
I often find it helpful to ask these kinds of questions below, either during or after I’ve been on a screen.
Asking them helps me make clearer and more aligned decisions.
I wonder if they are helpful for you?
1. Am I judging myself?
I wonder if you ever judge yourself around your screen use?
I find it can be quite hard to hear what’s going on for us around screens if we’re judging ourselves.
So, if you have been judging yourself, I invite you to put down the emotional stick for a moment. You might set a loving limit, “I’m not going to let myself judge myself about this right now.”
When we stop judging ourselves, there’s often more spaciousness for curiosity.
I’ve found that stopping judging myself around screens (or anything) has created so much more space to actually listen to myself and what’s going on for me in any moment around screens.
I find that I can ask myself some of the following questions, because I’m not judging myself.
I also find having a LOT of compassion, in the form of my Inner Loving Crew, really helps around screens.
Finding deep self-compassion and unconditional love from my ILC has transformed how I respond to myself and my children around screens!
2. How do I feel?
The answer to this question helps answer the next two questions.
If I’m feeling inspired, energised, connected, enthusiastic, excited, warm, loving, and have a sense of connection, then it’s likely that the screen use has met my needs and hasn’t been repressing feelings.
If I’m feeling flat, dissociated, spaced out, low in energy, with a sense of disconnection, then it’s likely that the screen use either hasn’t met needs that I was trying to meet, or I was using it to repress feelings, which worked!
If I’m feeling upset, disappointed, jealous, sad or frustrated, it’s likely that either I went to meet needs and they didn’t get met, or I had upset feelings beforehand that I was trying to repress and it didn’t work, or something that I did or read or saw stroked a sweet spot in me, and those feelings are now wanting to be heard.
Sometimes I need to think back about what I’ve done to work this out; at other times it’s clear straight away what has been going on!
Then I can go further, and ask;
3. Is this meeting my needs?
This helps me make decisions for the time afterwards!
Screens can meet my needs for learning, for contribution, for community, for inspiration, for beauty, for belonging, for connection, for entertainment.
And sometimes I go to a screen to meet one of those needs, but it doesn’t really work.
That’s why I find observing myself during and after being on a screen really helps.
How do I feel afterwards? Do I feel inspired, energised, connected, fulfilled, present? If that’s the case, then it’s likely that my needs HAVE been met!
Or do I feel flat, disconnected, spaced out, or upset? If so, then it’s likely that my needs haven’t been met, and if so, knowing what I was needing, and what I can do instead can really help!
4. Is this repressing my feelings?
Again, I can usually tell afterwards. For example, if I notice that I’ve filled up every space with looking at Instagram, and I’m feeling a bit flat or spaced out or disconnected, then it’s likely that I’m avoiding connecting with myself and my feelings.
If so, I send in my Inner Loving Crew. My Inner Loving Mother gives me unconditional love: “Sweetheart, I love you unconditionally. I hear that you’re protecting yourself from your feelings. I love you when you’re repressing your feelings, and I love you when you’re feeling them. There’s nothing you need to do, or to change. I’m right here with you. And if you do want to feel those feelings, I’ll be there with you. I’m here always. I’m listening. And if you do want to feel those feelings, is there something I can do to help you with that? Do you need help from your Inner Loving Crew and your Outer Loving Crew?”
I find that this self-compassion makes SUCH a difference for how I respond to myself around screens.
I wonder if any of this is helpful for you?
I made a little meme in case you’d like a reminder!
(click HERE it if you want it as a downloadable PDF!)
I remember the turning point, where I replaced judging myself and my children around screens, with curiosity, listening and compassion.
It was when I made my Kids, Screens and Aware Parenting Course.
The course is a lot about understanding what is going on for our children and ourselves around screens, what needs are getting met and aren’t getting met, finding our own unique family strategies around screens, and having specific attachment play games and loving limits available around screens.
I made a free intro to the course – you can get that by clicking HERE or on the meme below:
I also have a HALF PRICE SALE on the full course for the next three days – that’s AUD$60 instead of $120.
Click HERE or on the image below to find out more, and if you want the sale price, write JUNE in the coupon box, after you’ve clicked on the buy button!
Last but not least, I have a new COURSE PACKAGE, which was inspired by someone who asked me to make one for them last week!
The course package includes:
The Attachment Play Course (usually $150);
The Making Friends with Children’s Feelings Course (usually $125);
The Living Aware Parenting Course (usually $97);
The Power and Powerlessness in Parenting Course (usually $120);
The usual price for all four is $492, but the package price is $400.
I am only offering these packages for just 5 people, because I am doing it all manually!
So, if you want it, click HERE or on the meme below!
(If you already have most of these and would like a different package, let me know what you want and I will bear it in mind for next time!)
Much love to you,
Marion
xxx