Hello again!
I’m so much happier as a mother recently since I’ve been doing what I really love.
And what I love at the moment is creating all the things I need to create to run online courses. It’s really meeting my need for creative expression.
This is helping me in three ways:
1. I’m creating time where I thought there was none.
For example, I’m getting up two hours before my children every morning so I can get things done for my course. That means, for the rest of the day I can be so much more present with them knowing I’ve done the things I really love and those needs have been met. And before you go “URGGHH”, I have NEVER been an early morning person, and have very rarely in my whole life chosen to get up early!
2. I’m valuing my time much more.
For example, the arrangements for how long my children are at their dad’s is very flexible, and changes from week to week depending on what everyone is doing. But yesterday I made a really clear request and asked my ex-husband if he and his partner could look after our children for the whole of Saturday and Sunday for the next two weekends whilst I am getting my Love Being a Mother course all set up.
3. I’m feeling so much more at peace with myself.
As those of you who are my Facebook friends might have read recently, last week I was looking on Linkedin. I saw some of my friends who did their PhDs at Cambridge at the same time as me (we all finished in 1994). They are all men, apart from one. And they are all things like CEOs of things to do with money that I don’t understand!
And 21 years later, instead of comparing myself and falling short, this time I felt a deep sense of satisfaction for my life path.
I haven’t followed the traditional route, but I listened deeply to myself.
I kept my passion for understanding mothers and babies and children for all of the 21 years since then, and I chose to spend a lot of time with my children.
And now it has all come together; I look back on the journey and I see that every bit of it has brought me to here.
Every choice has been a gift.
And I feel so glad that I am sharing my gifts with the world and doing what I love, as well as deeply loving spending time with my children.
4. I don’t have regrets any more.
For so many years, I used to look back at a time when I was at University, and feel such grief. I had such an amazing time there. I was really organised, and I worked really hard at my psychology degree, and I had my time all mapped out – I generally studied 6 days a week.
AND I was with my first love there, and we had an amazing time together – lots of sensuality and fun and going swimming and going out for dinner and going to the movies and going to the theatre and going on trips together.
AND I went out a lot in the evenings. I went to all the college discos and loved dancing with my friends. I also had a passion for ice skating and did that a lot too.
So, until recently I would look back at that time and feel that sadness and loss.
And I used to think that what I had was lost. I used to think that it was about that man. But now I don’t. In fact, I have put a picture of myself and him from that time as the wallpaper on my phone. Why?
Because now I know that the sadness wasn’t that I lost that time, or because I separated from that man.
I know that it was because I had stopped honouring a part of myself. And now I am honouring it again.
It’s the part of me that loves to learn, to create, to get really immersed in learning, studying, and creating.
And for the first time in many years, I’ve found that part of me again.
And of course it’s different being that now, because I am a mum and my kids don’t go to school and being with them takes up a lot of my time!
And yet I can still honour that part, by getting up early, and being more organised, and valuing what I do. And I feel so happy about it.
So, I’d like to ask you: is there a part of you that you left behind when you became a mum, or even before that, that you want to reclaim?
Is there something that brings you alive that you believed you couldn’t have as a mother?
And if so, are you willing to find a way of doing that and being that, even whilst you do all the things that you need to do as a mother?
I’d love to hear from you, to hear what those are… and if any of this resonates with you.
Sending you loads of love,
Marion xxx
January 2015