Do you ever ‘feel’ 2, or 5. or 14?
Often, particularly when we’re with our children or partners, something they do will remind us of something from our past.
It might be when we ask our child to do something and they do the opposite.
It might be when our partner speaks to us in a grumpy or harsh tone.
In those moments, we can become identified with younger parts of us.
It’s actually like BEING 2, or 5, or 14!
The way I see it is that happens because there are feelings and needs from that age that didn’t get heard.
There are experiences from that age that are calling to be healed.
The thing is, if we don’t realise this, and simply become identified with that part of us, and respond FROM that part of us, often healing doesn’t happen.
In fact, we often say or do things to our children or partners that are hurtful for them.
The more we know when we’re identified with a younger part of us, the freer we are to listen lovingly and compassionately to that part.
And the more that part gets heard and healed, and the more we’re listening from the LOVE that we are, the more that we live from our soul – the centre of lovingness and willingness.
In my Inner Loving Presence Process Course, I help you connect with your Inner Loving Crew and I share the Inner Loving Presence Process – whereby those younger parts can get heard and healed.
This morning, when I did my Inner Loving Crew practice and Willingness Practice, I didn’t feel very connected with my Inner Loving Mother and wasn’t willing to do what I wanted to do.
Instead of being connected with my usual lovingness and willingness, I felt uncomfortable and antsy and agitated.
WHAT WAS GOING ON HERE AND WHAT DID I DO?
The way I see it, I was in a part of myself from the past.
My ‘I’ was identified with a younger part of me.
‘I’ was ‘IN’ that younger part of me.
Our ‘I’ – our soul, the centre of love and will, gets identified with past parts of ourselves when something reminds us of the matching experiences from the past.
When we’re fully identified with that part from the past, we’ll say, “I….” and what follows are the thoughts, feelings, needs etc. of that part of us from the past.
Those parts of us from the past often come up to be heard and healed. Their feelings and needs and voice long to be heard.
The thing is, if we believe that we ARE that part of us, and act from that place, that’s often when we might do things that we regret.
This can happen A LOT in parenting and partnering.
When our child or partner does something that in some way reminds us of something from our past – eg. speaks in a certain tone of voice, or doesn’t respond to us, or says something harsh, we then identify with the part of us that originally experienced that.
For me this morning, when I asked myself how old I felt, the answer was, ’12’.
What came to me is that my stepping up now is reminding me of moving from middle school to secondary (high) school, and some of the painful things that happened at high school.
This morning, I was completely identified with that 12 year old part of me.
So much so, that I had a big reaction to my daughter which was nothing to do with her.
The feelings I was feeling and the thoughts I was having were really designed to be directed towards some of the girls when I was at school.
When we’re not able to connect with our Inner Loving Crew, it often means that we’re identified with a part of us from the past.
When we’re having a big reaction to an apparently small thing, it often means that we’re identified with a part of us from the past who has feelings and needs to be expressed and lovingly heard.
When we have really huge reactions to our children when they ‘don’t listen’ or they say “no”, we’re often living from a much younger part of us whose feelings didn’t get heard.
I find this SO helpful to remember.
So, this morning, I apologised to my daughter, and whilst she did some art and my son played with his friend, I listened to that 12 year old me.
I heard her feelings.
I listened to her thoughts.
I did multiple Inner Loving Presence Processes.
And She experienced being heard.
She experienced being loved.
She experienced a different experience; a reparative experience.
And THEN, I increasingly could connect with all of my Inner Loving Crew. I felt present in my body.
I was completely willing to do what I had wanted to do.
My lovingness, willingness, life energy and joy of being alive returned.
Understanding identity makes a huge difference to me.
I know the profound difference of responding and living from my ‘I’, and when I’m identified with a younger part of me who’s needing some loving compassion.
That’s what I LOVE about the Inner Loving Presence Process.
The more I hear these parts, love these parts, listen to these parts, let these parts speak, the less I react FROM those parts. The less I’m identified WITH those parts. I increasingly am free to live from lovingness and willingness and respond from lovingness and willingness.
There’s a new live round of my Inner Loving Presence Process Course starting on the 30th!
(and if you’re reading this after that, doors might still be open!)
CLICK HERE or on the meme below to find out more!
