So many of us as women turn to food to avoid feeling our feelings. I wonder whether you ever do?
We want sweetness, nourishment, nourishment, and fulfilment, and food can be a way we try to get that. Or we want to escape feelings of sadness, loneliness, frustration, or flatness.
Many of us can spend years yo-yoing with this. Sometimes going with the urge; eating the whole bar of chocolate; sometimes stopping ourselves.
I had an experience a few months ago which I’d like to share.
I’ve often turned to sweet things when I’ve been needing sweetness or wanting to avoid uncomfortable feelings. For the last few years, it’s been raw chocolate. I’d often choose sweet foods over savoury ones. If I went to eat out, I’d want the pudding and wasn’t interested in the main course!
I’ve gone through various strategies with this. I’d go through phases of letting myself have whatever I want and I’ve gone through phases of settiing strict limits for myself where I haven’t let myself have anything sweet for months. I’ve focussed on crying and expressing feelings.
But several months ago, something happened which meant none of those were needed any more.
I had been running a workshop in Sydney about control patterns and loving limits (control patterns is a term we use to describe these habitual ways of disconnecting from feelings). The workshop was about us and our children, because of course our children learn how to disconnect from their feelings from the way we disconnect from our feelings!
A dear friend of mine had come along to the workshop and afterwards she drove me back to her house. First of all we stopped off at an organic shop, and as usual I was drawn to having something sweet. However, it didn’t really satisfy me. A bit later, we went past an amazing-looking raw and organic cafe. On the spur of the moment, feeling hungry for lunch, we stopped. We had been talking about feelings and control patterns, so we took our time choosing something delicious and deeply nourishing.
We both chose a warm salad. We were going to get a take-away. It took a while to arrive, so we sat at a table. When it arrived, it looked and smelled so delicious that we took a couple of mouthfuls.
Well, that was one of the most delicious meals I have ever eaten. The salad was warm and nourishing, whilst also being fresh and full of life. And I was eating it with my dear friend, whom I felt so connected with. And we had been talking about food and control patterns and letting ourselves feel truly nourished. We sat at the table in raptures about how truly gorgeous it was!
Something magical happened there for me, as we let ourselves savour the food and talk about how delicious it was. I let myself be truly nourished. Nourished with warm, healthy, fresh food. Nourished with deep loving friendship. Nourished with connection and love. Nourished.
And since then, several months ago there has been a sea-change in my relationship with food. I don’t feel drawn to sweet things. I’d much prefer something savoury to something sweet. I still have that sense of true nourishment I let myself feel that day, and the superficial kind doesn’t do it for me any more.
I have no doubt that there will be new chapters and new steps in my relationship with food, but that was a big and important one, and one I am very grateful for.
I wonder if you relate to my story. I wonder if you let yourself be truly nourished.
As usual, I’d love to hear from you.
Much love,
Marion
xxxx