Hello!

Yesterday I announced to my son that I’d like to start doing Present Time with him again, as we haven’t been doing it for a while.

(Yay for the live round of the free course starting soon – it inspired me already!!)

Usually, when we’re in a Present Time phase, I offer it once a day (he’s 10), and then I offer “Screen Present Time” about once a week.

What’s the difference? In our ordinary Present Time, there’s no screens, and in our Screen Present Time, there are screens!

I followed my intuition on this, and because he hasn’t been easily willing to get off screens recently, I decided to offer alternate days of PT and SPT.
 

I know this may seem counter-intuitive, but the way I see it is, where there’s friction, bring more connection.

Just as if a child is sucking their thumb, I recommend to their parents to play attachment play with the thumb sucking, so I felt an inclination to go in for more connection where he is leading me.

So yesterday, we did Screen PT. I set the timer for half an hour. He wanted to get a new game and for me to watch him play it.

So, just like normal PT, I gave him my full presence, and followed his lead. I sat next to him on the couch and put my hand on his back, and interestedly watched what he was doing.

He talked as he was playing, he explained things, and I asked questions and showed interest.

When he was feeling frustrated, I offered empathy. When he was about to get to a new level, I offered encouragement.

(In fact, I’d learnt those from him and my daughter, from the last time we did SPT and they asked me to play an online game and I saw how much I appreciated the empathy and encouragement!)

The 30 minutes came to an end, and I actually really enjoyed learning about it.
 

And what a difference that 30 minutes made.

He had a bit more time playing it whilst I got ready for us to go out. I went back over to him before we needed to leave, and reminded him of our timing, and saw that he wanted to finish that level, so I could easily understand what was going on for him, and encourage him as he finished that level, and then he happily got off so that we could go out.

The day before, he had been watching a YouTube video about the game. Again, we had been going out, and I had asked him to get off. But without an understanding of what he was interested in, and without him feeling a sense of being understood, the helping him get off had friction to it.

He’d also asked me the day before if I thought I would like the game. I said that I thought I would feel bored. As we got in the car yesterday, he was chatting to me about the game. “Do you still think it’s boring now?” he asked, and I could easily tell him that I didn’t. And he chatted to me about it and I could answer in ways that helped his experience be valued and understood.

And for the rest of the day, there was such a sense of connection between us. I think that me valuing what he’s interested in was very heart-warming for him.
 

Often where there is friction, it’s because one or other party isn’t experiencing being understood.

What I love about Present Time is that it helps us dive into parts of our child’s lives that we may avoid, because we aren’t so interested in those things.

For example, your daughter may love playing princesses and you may really not enjoy that!

With Present Time, we get to dive in to their world, and they get to experience connection, and choice, and being valued, and their interests and desires being valued.
 

I wonder if any of this resonates with you.

Is there something that your child is interested in that you’ve been avoiding?

Do they have a repression mechanism where you could go and connect with them in that?

Do they like screens and you have judgments about what they are doing?

Is there a sense of friction around loving limits at the moment?

Are you wanting to feel more connected with your child?

Are you practicing Present Time at the moment?

Would you like to connect more with your child?

Would you like to do some Present Time today?

If you want to find out more about Present Time, HERE’S an article I wrote about it a year ago.
 

And my free 4 day Powerful Present Time Practice Programme starts again next Monday.

CLICK HERE or on the image below if you want to join in!

(If you’ve done it already, you will have received an email to ask if you want to join in again!)
 

I’m also really excited about this next thing I’m sharing with you.

A few weeks ago I was interviewed by Mitle Southey and the interview is now live! We talked about so many things; about why guilt is outdated and unnecessary, about self-love and sisterhood and much more!

CLICK HERE or on the image below to hear it.