Hello!
Yesterday I was in the middle of something and my son asked me to do something for him, and as I went to do it, I tripped on a chair.
And I recognised this.
It’s when I don’t check in with myself and my willingness before I respond to their requests.
And clearly, as the tripping shows, I’m not in my body or very present if I respond without connecting with myself.
I’ve also noticed that without checking in, I can at times feel frustrated or resentful.
Why is that?
Well, if I don’t check my willingness, then I may well be responding from a ‘should’ energy.
Even though I deleted the word ‘should’ from my vocabulary 15 years ago, there can clearly still be a ‘should’ energy that my actions come from.
When we repeatedly respond to our child from a ‘should’ or a ‘have to’, we are likely to feel frustrated or resentful.
And I know, especially if your children are young, that they may ask things of you many many times a day.
And checking in beforehand might seem like another thing on the list.
But like anything, the more we do something, the more automatic it becomes.
I used to do this checking in with myself first. And clearly, I haven’t been doing it recently.
For me, the way I check in with my willingness is to connect in with my breath. I feel one in-breath, and I connect in with my body and my willingness.
And with the out-breath generally comes the willingness.
And sometimes, I’m not willing, or not willing right now.
And because of the ages of my lovelies, then I can freely tell them, “I’m not willing to do it at the moment,” and then either make a suggestion about what else they could do, or when I might be willing.
I’ve explained what’s been going on for me, and this whole willingness piece, and last night I asked them to preface a request with, “Excuse me….”
I haven’t demanded this of them.
I’ve explained that if they preface their requests with this, then I have a moment to connect in with my body and am much more likely then to respond with willingness, which means I’m much less likely to be frustrated or resentful.
Perhaps you have your own strategies with this?
And what about if your lovely is a baby or a toddler and isn’t able to do things for themselves, and there are no other adults around? Is there any point checking in with your willingness then?
I think there is.
Because if you find you are unwilling, you can invite your ILM to give you some empathy, and you might even find that you connect with a value and then do find your willingness.
For example, perhaps your toddler has just woken up and is calling to you. Perhaps you were having a moment to yourself.
Putting your hand on your heart, your ILM might say, “Oh sweetheart, I hear that you wanted more time. I hear your reluctance to go. I’m here with you, and I’m listening.”
Just that bit of empathy might lead to a sigh of relief and a sense of freedom in your body.
Willingness is a body thing; an energetic thing.
When you feel that relief, you might then be free to connect in with how much you value responding promptly to your child, and how much you want them to know that you will come when they wake up.
And that value might then help you connect in with, “oh YES; I AM willing to go right now and get them.”
And your little one will feel that energy.
Going when you feel resentful and frustrated brings a particularly body quality and energy, even if you try to cover it up.
Going when you feel willing to respond brings a very different body sense.
I wonder if this resonates for you?
Back to our family; since last night, my lovelies HAVE been prefacing their requests with, “excuse me,” and it already is making a huge difference.
It gives me a bit of notice to connect in with myself and with them to find true willingness, or an authentic, “no”, rather than a knee jerk response which has ‘should’ and frustrated energy.
I’d love to hear what your strategies are around this!
And this is just one of the ways we can use willingness in our parenting.
As I wrote about HERE, we can check in with whether we are willing for our child to cooperate with us,
and we can also help free up our child’s willingness channel so she is freer to cooperate.
Did you know about my “Are You Willing?” book? It’s just USD$4 and talks all about the power of willingness.
And The Wonder of Willingness course is OPEN. For this first live round only, there are Zoom calls, so you can experience the power of The Willingness Practice first hand. The first Zoom call is this Sunday.
It’s just AUD$50. Find out more HERE.
Love,
Marion
xxx