I had a really BIG sweet spot come up for me last night.
I shared something that was magical and important and beautiful for me – I’ve been having lots of experiences of synchronicity, and of seeing immediate and powerful outer changes in response to doing my Willingness Practice and Inner Loving Presence Process.
At times like this, I feel so full of awe and joy and wonder about the interconnectedness of all things.
I was sharing about this, and someone said something to me in response, and I had a HUGE reaction.
That’s always a key for me – the huge response tells me that this is about the past – this is big old feelings coming up to be heard and healed now.
I felt outrage, rage; I felt incensed.
These feelings were clearly not in response what the person said. The bigness of them showed me that they were clearly coming up from the past, to be heard and healed.
I went and had a bath, and I felt the rage. It was SO deep and so raw. It was kind of like an animal rage. I made a noise in my throat I’ve never felt before which seemed like almost being a wild cat or a dog.
I asked myself, “What does this remind me of?”
And I connected with experiences at school where I shared things that were important to me, and they were judged or belittled or shamed.
I did my Inner Loving Presence Process, but I couldn’t seem to quite get to the kernel of the sweet spot.
I went to bed, still in the feeling of rage.
And this morning, I woke up and immediately phoned a friend and asked if she would listen to me.
I find that when the sweet spot is really big, I need more than my Inner Loving Crew – I need my Outer Loving Crew too!
(And that was what I was going to write this post about! I’ve found that the more I have my ILC, the more I have an OLC. I was going to share about last week and going to the dentist, and receiving loads of emotional help with that, and going to try on clothes in my favourite shop, and meeting new friends there and having so much fun.)
So, she listened to me, but she only had 10 minutes. I felt a big relief, just to have the rage heard and valued and validated, and I could still feel big feelings bubbling.
So I reached out to three dear friends who I felt called to reach out to. And I shared with them. And as I shared, they helped me come to more clarity.
I felt the rage.
And then I remembered a short cartoon that a dear colleague and friend of mine had shared, which was about a small child, full of joy, and his father. The boy went to school, the Dad went to work.
The child kept his joy and his spark and his uniqueness, and one day, he stopped. He resigned himself to give up his spark to fit in.
That was the sweet spot for me. The first time I watched it, I sobbed and sobbed.
So I went back to that moment in the video, and watched those 10 seconds – the moment where he gave up, and resigned himself to giving up wonder and joy, over and over again.
(Click on the image to watch the video)
And the rage shifted to grief and loss. The loss of myself.
I sobbed and I yawned (always a clear sign of big healing).
All the while, these friends on FB messenger were sending me empathy, support, encouragement and love.
And I remembered that quote that I quote in the ILPP – “The greatest loss, that of oneself, may pass unnoticed.” – Soren Kierkegaard.
I watched the video over and over. I cried and yawned.
And then I could feel things shifting.
I could feel the clarity coming.
And then I watched the next part in the video – which is where the Dad sees what is happening to his son, and doesn’t want his son to give up his spark and his enthusiasm.
So he reclaims his own magic.
And then I wrote this, to my inner children, and to anyone else who wants to read it;
When did you give up your sparkle and your magic?
When did you get weighed down by life?
When did you give up your wild and true self?
When did you become resigned to the ways of the world?
When did you hide your magic?
When did you learn to be serious, to fit in, to do things the ‘right’ way, rather than your way?
When did you dim your light?
And I took my inner children by the hand and said, “here, I’m here with you. I see you. I see your light, your uniqueness, your joy. And I see the heartbreak that you felt when you needed to hider who you really are to fit into this world. I see you. I see who you really are. I LOVE your sparkle! I LOVE your enthusiasm! I LOVE your joy! I LOVE your difference! I LOVE it when you dance and sing and prance and run! I LOVE your magic! Come, run and dance and sing and play. I won’t let others dim your light. I will say “STOP” if others try to belittle, shame or judge you, or try to get you to give up who you really are in order to fit in. I won’t let your enthusiasm and wonder and delight be trodden on. I’m here with you. I love you. I support you. I want to join in with your joy and your magic.
And for my children, I also want to give them that same support and encouragement and protection. I aim to mirror their joy, honour their enthusiasm and delight, celebrate their difference, honour their unique selves, support them in their own journey. I am not willing for anyone to tell them that they should do things differently, or to be faster or slower than they are. I AM willing for them to follow their own unique path and their life callings.
This is SOOO important to me!
I wonder if any of this resonates for you?
Did you ever dim your sparkle or get resigned to the ways of the world?
Did you start hiding your dreams and your voice to protect yourself from being belittled or judged or shamed?
Did you squash your wonder, curiosity and delight to fit in?
Did you swap play for seriousness?
If so, what would your Inner Loving Crew say to those inner children?
How do you want to support yourself in this?
What one small thing can you do to say yes to your own divine children within?
And how do you want to support and encourage your child/ren to stay connected to their divine spark?
As you might have read, I’m not going to be doing live rounds of my courses any more (except my Respond Lovingly to your Calling Course).
Instead, I’m going to keep the FB lives going, less frequently, but consistently, for all the bigger courses.
And to match that, if there are any resources or courses that I have that match what I write about to you, I’ll share those at the bottom of the email.
So, relevant today is my Willingness Practice for Entrepreneurs (anyone can use it – I find it INCREDIBLY POWERFUL – a very clear bridge between the inner and outer worlds!)
And you might also be interested in my Free ebook on attachment play and my Attachment Play Course – as attachment play is one way to keep laughter and the joy of being alive, alive!
Love,
Marion
xxx