I believe that as human beings, we are designed to keep becoming more.
We constantly search for opportunities to heal from past experiences that are preventing us from being all that can be.
Our children are like this, and so are we.
If our child has a really big reaction to a situation, it is likely that she is using that as an opportunity to heal from a past experience that perhaps was similar.
For example, say that she is starting something new that she wants to do. And when she goes to do that, she cries and cries. It is probable that the starting something new is helping her connect with feelings from a past experience where she was doing something new, or perhaps where she was separated from us.
We are just the same. When we start something new, perhaps a new project, or we are putting ourselves out into the world in some way, we will often feel big feelings. And just like our child, it is usually because the present situation is giving us the opportunity to heal from a past experience that was similar in some way, was painful, and where we didn’t get to have our feelings compassionately received at the time.
When we see through this lens, then so many things make sense. Why we choose partners that are similar to our parents, and why we keep being called to experiences that we find painful – a deeper part of us is calling us to heal.
Having that understanding can make all the difference when we have uncomfortable feelings coming up. Instead of trying to get rid of them, or deciding not to do that thing, we can welcome them as a part of us wanting to heal.
Let me give you an example. I’ve been trying to go back to England for a trip for several years now. When I think about going, I feel fear. I’ve tried all different ways of being with it, and yesterday I decided to do this process with it. So, I scanned back to all the times that had a similar flavour to this. And each time I found one, I went back to that younger part of me, and gave her empathy and compassion. I heard each feeling and each thought. And when I felt some relief, I moved to another time. And I realised that there were a lot of sweet spots. Right from when I was 9 and lived with my mum in Australia and was going back to the U.K. to live with my dad. I felt so torn – I didn’t want to choose between them. I wanted to be with them both. I listened to the nine year old me, and all the thoughts and feelings that she had.
And afterwards, I felt some relief. Yet there were so many sweet spots, so there is more healing to be done.
But already things have shifted.
And I can remember that the hesitation is not mine, but belongs to younger versions of me.
When our sweet spots have been stroked in this way, and we are feeling a big feeling because we are remembering a past experience, we will often say, “I feel scared”, or “I feel sad.”
It can be really helpful to remember that it is a younger version of us that is feeling that way – that those feelings actually belong to an earlier time, and that part of us is trying to heal now.
I find that if I say, “a part of me is feeling sad”, then that also helps me connect with a bigger part of me that can be with that younger me;and that bigger part can hold the younger me with compassion, empathy and love, and so help healing happen.
Does it help to see that when you or your child have a bigger reaction to a situation than the situation seems to warrant, that it is likely that these are feelings from an earlier time, and that this younger version of them or us is wanting healing to happen?
One way to start is to scan, for our child or ourselves, to what the similar situation/s may be.
Having an understanding can then help us be more confident about being present with those feelings, and compassionately listen as what was not heard gets heard.
We really are miraculous beings; constantly aiming to become more, and to throw off shackles that prevent us from being who we truly are.
I’d love to hear if you resonate!
Oh, and I’ve been enjoying making more memes again lately.
Here’s one! It goes with this letter.
Oh, and I’ve joined Periscope! I’m @Marion Rose – I’d love to follow you too!
Sending you lots of love,
Marion xxx