Hello!

I remember years ago hearing people say, “Choose love over fear” and it never seemed tangible enough for me.

“What does that actually look like in day to day life,” I’d wonder.

Nowadays I’m finding practical and tangible ways to put that into practice, in my parenting and other parts of my life.
 

One place I’ve been doing that is around my son’s screen time.

As I shared in a recent email, I used to entertain fearful thoughts when he was looking at a screen.

But then I did three things:

1. I set loving limits with fearful thoughts (simply, “I’m not willing to believe that.”)

2. I chose to stay connected with him before, during and after screen time.

3. I observed him closely around screens.
 

And I noticed something that really helped me to choose love over fear.

I noticed that when he has complete choice over how long he stays on a screen, that when he gets off, (even if it was longer than I thought was helpful for him), he is deeply happy.

He smiles and laughs, he cuddles and comes close, and he wants to share about what he’s been learning.

In comparison, sometimes when he doesn’t get to choose how long he’s on, he’s just not as joyful.

And of course there’s a whole lot more complexity to this than I’m sharing here.

But what I kept coming back to was how incredibly joyful he is when he gets to choose how long he stays on.

Even if it’s longer than I want him to be on.
 

After observing this many times, I chose to many times give him the choice about how long he’s on a screen.

And that doesn’t mean every time, because there are times where I see that he’s getting on as a disconnection, or because we are going somewhere, or where I just really have a strong sense that not being on a screen is the most helpful thing for him.

But it does mean at times I’m willing for him to choose to stay on for as long as he wants.

And every time, I need to choose love over fear.

I need to set loving limits with fearful thoughts, and just stay connected with him, and observe him,

And the majority of the time, I see that joy in him.

The joy that he’s had the opportunity to choose to do what he wants to do for as long as he wants.

The joy that his interests are seen as valuable.

The joy of being able to direct his own learning and entertainment.

The joy of sharing that with me, during and after.

And this is just one example.
 

It’s so easy to buy in to fearful beliefs that run through our heads about our children.

But I believe that it’s only through connecting with them, listening to them, and observing them closely, that we can find out what’s helpful for them and what isn’t.

I wonder if there are places in your child’s experience where you choose fearful thoughts?

And I wonder if you would like to set loving limits with those fearful thoughts and choose connection and observation, so that you can see what’s really going on for your child?

 

And yes, my Kids, Screens and Aware Parenting Course starts today!

Click on the meme below to find out more!

 

Love,

Marion 

xxx