Changing our self-talk through changing our inner relationships:
The relationships we have as children form our core concepts about ourselves and the world.
The outer relationships become our inner relationships and inner dialogue. The way we talk to ourselves is profoundly affected by how we were talked to.
Just as our core beliefs were formed IN relationship, so we can also CHANGE our core beliefs IN RELATIONSHIP.
There are two ways this can happen.
More loving, compassionate, attuned outer relationships.
And more loving, compassionate, attuned INNER relationships.
This is exactly what my Inner Loving Presences work is all about.
It’s about re-creating new INNER relationships, that are deeply and profoundly loving, compassionate and attuned.
Let me give you an example to show how different this is from affirmations.
Someone might want to change their beliefs about themselves and used affirmations such as,
“I love myself exactly as I am.”
However, if they don’t believe that, it’s like persuasion rather than relationship.
In comparison, if you are working with the Inner Loving Presence work,
I, or one of your Inner Loving Crew might say to you,
“I love you exactly as you are.”
One of two things can happen.
One is that you hear what you’ve been longing to hear in relationship, and you let it in. And you start to experience, through repeatedly hearing this, that you are loved exactly as you are.
And just as happens with external relationships, you will one day turn that into a self-belief, which might be something like,
“I am loved exactly as I am,” or, “I love myself exactly as I am.”
OR
When you hear, “I love you exactly as you are,” parts of you that don’t believe that they are loved exactly as they are, or who experienced not being loved exactly as you were, come up to be heard.
You might say, “I don’t believe you,” or, “You didn’t love me exactly as I am,” or, “I feel outraged that you didn’t love me exactly as I am,”
And within that loving relationship, ALL OF THOSE FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS can be lovingly heard.
The Inner or Outer Loving Crew can say,
“I hear that you don’t believe me, sweetheart.”
“I’m sorry that you weren’t loved exactly as you are.”
“I hear how outraged you feel that you weren’t loved exactly as you are.”
ALL OF THESE get to be heard and loved, welcomed and honoured.
And as they are expressed and lovingly heard, they can be released.
The loving presence helps them be heard, and gives them a new experience – of being loved, exactly as they are.
Until there comes a time when enough has been expressed, that the love can be let in, and we really can hear,
“I love you, exactly as you are.”
And as we hear that, again and again, we form a new core belief, “I am loved, exactly as I am.”
This is all about relationship.
Outer relationships become inner relationships and core beliefs.
As we change those inner relationships, not only does our self-dialogue and our self-beliefs change,
and as our inner relationships change, so do our outer relationships.
If you want to learn more about this approach, I am running a free live training later on this week.
It’s called Helping Mothers Develop True Self-Love.