I have been really enjoying re-immersing myself in Psychosynthesis, which is the form of Psychotherapy that I trained and practised in for most of my twenties.
Since it is not a very well-known way of looking at things, I thought I might share it with you in case you find it helpful or interesting.
Psychosynthesis is a psychospiritual psychotherapy. It was invented by an Italian called Roberto Assagioli, in the early twentieth century. http://www.psychosynthesis.org/html/articles.htm
It integrates all we know about the development of babies and children and how our personality develops. However, we are more than our personalities. We have a soul, and that the way we are parented affects how much we can freely express our uniqueness in the world. We also have a higher Self, which guides us to come home to ourselves.
Psychosynthesis has ways of understanding what happens when people have peak or spiritual experiences, and how our level of personality development affects how we integrate them. Spiritual emergence and spiritual emergency are also understood, as are a search for meaning and existential crises. Psychosynthesis integrates many other techniques from other therapeutic modalities.
What I have been enjoying again is playing with subpersonalities, identity, the I, and the Self.
In Psychosynthesis, our personality has many parts, or subpersonalities. Each one has a particular posture, dominant feelings, needs, beliefs and ways of being. For example, we might have a ‘good little girl’ subpersonality who always does what she is told, and a ‘raging mother’ subpersonality who gets angry a lot.
When we are identified with a subpersonality, we see everything through that lens. It feels like who we are. We believe we are that feeling, that thought, that sensation.
However, our subpersonalities, although aspects of us, are not who we really are. Similarly, although we have bodily sensations, feelings and thoughts, we are not our body, feelings or mind. We are the I – a centre of will and awareness – which is a spark of the Self.
The experience of the I itself is without particular thoughts, feelings or sensations, and it is not identified with any one subpersonality. When we are connected with it, we are aware and we are able to choose – for example, to choose which subpersonality is most helpful in the present situation.
The more we explore, understand and accept the parts of ourselves, their needs and the qualities that they possess, the more we are able to disidentify from them.
I shared in a recent newsletter how I had been feeling overwhelmed. From this perspective, I was identified with a part of myself – I might call her the ‘Mrs. Busy Do-it-All.’ I was so identified with her that I couldn’t see anything else but overwhelm, a lack of choice, frustration, grumpiness, and no time to rest. I was reacting to my children and seemingly unable to use all the practices that I knew.
In contrast, as I reconnected with my I, I became present. I could feel my body breathing, a sense of calmness, and few thoughts. From this place I was free to choose to identify with a different part of myself that was more enjoyable to live through. I was also free to choose to speak with my children using Nonviolent Communication, and to act in alignment with Aware Parenting and Field Practice.
As we understand our subpersonalities, we can let them time-share. We can allow ourselves to use their qualities without believing that we have no choice. They evolve and become more cooperative with each other. We become more of a whole, operating under the directive of the awareness and will of our I, which becomes increasingly what we identify with.
The I is a spark of the Self – where we are most uniquely ourselves, whilst being connected with everyone else. The more we develop the I – thus increasing our awareness and ability to choose, the more we are able to align with the qualities of the Self, and are increasingly guided by the Self rather than the smaller parts of ourselves. We become more about what we can contribute and where we can serve. We less and less try to control things, and more and more trust the guidance of the Self.
After more than 20 years of playing with this map and associated processes, I still use it as a context for much of my work.
I love to see us on a developmental journey, becoming less and less fragmented, and more and more whole.
I think it is such a helpful model as a parent. It helps me understand the developmental needs of our babies and children, whilst understanding what is going on for us as we parent. We radically influence the family of subpersonalities residing within our children, their relationship with the deepest part of themselves, and their ability to express their own unique gifts in the world. Meanwhile, they are like teachers, calling us to evolve.
As we grow, we increasingly get to experience the joy of being connected to our deepest sense of ourself, which paradoxically means we are able to be most deeply connected with others, including, of course, our children.
I’d love to hear if any of this is interesting or helpful for you.