All children experience stressful events that range from daily challenges to bigger traumatic experiences.
Each experience of stress or trauma leads to uncomfortable feelings such as overwhelm, frustration, powerlessness, sadness or fear.
Those feelings have physiological correlates in the form of stress hormones and the physical urge for fight or flight.
Just as their bodies are designed to respond to those stresses, they are also designed to release those feelings, stress hormones and the physical tension that were mobilised to fight or run away.
When we understand these gorgeous natural processes and have the spaciousness in ourselves to be present with them, we can support the expression and release that come through:
Playing;
Laughing;
Crying;
Raging;
Sweating and
Shaking.
However, the culture that most of us grew up in has lost this knowledge and wisdom, so we grow up conditioned to work against these natural processes.
Because of this, most of us also have a lot of accumulated feelings, stress hormones and tension that get in the way of us being able to be with our children’s feelings.
Because of this lack of understanding and presence, we can often either intentionally or intentionally work against these natural healing processes.
Which means that their feelings, stress hormones and physical tension accumulate.
That accumulation is uncomfortable for a child. They feel agitated, or will aim to suppress the discomfort with various forms of dissociation, including control patterns such as a dummy/pacifier, sucking their thumb, or using eating, movement, or screens to suppress.
This accumulation also leads to many of the behaviours that can be challenging for parents:
Agitation, hyperactivity, bumping into things
Challenges going to sleep and staying asleep
Roughness, throwing, hitting, biting, pushing.