Over the 13 years that I have been practising Aware Parenting, it has transformed the way I live my life. Aware Parenting isn’t just about our children; why?
Because if we want to listen to our child’s feelings, we need to listen to our feelings.
Because if we want to understand what lies behind our child’s challenging behaviours, we also need to seek understanding for ourselves when we act in ways that we don’t want to.
Because if we want to bring our child up without punishments, we need to learn to stop punishing ourselves (including through guilt, shame, and self-judgment).
Because if we want to help our child grow up relatively free from control patterns, we need to gently and gradually free ourselves from our control patterns.
Because if we want to create emotional safety for our child, that means taking responsibility for our feelings and sharing them with other adults, so that they are less likely to spill out in unhelpful ways with our child.
Because if we are really going to listen to our child, we need to let ourselves be heard by another adult.
Because if we are to give our child what she needs, we need to let ourselves receive support.
Because if we want our child to grow up connected to her feelings, needs, and her own inner compass, we need to relearn to be guided by these things too.
When I first started Aware Parenting 13 years ago, I thought I would simply “do” it to my daughter and she would grow up completely free from control patterns!!
Along the way I have learnt about humility, self-compassion, self-acceptance, and deep compassion for other parents.
Practising Aware Parenting as first generation AwPers is a challenge. We are aiming to move past all our conditioning, in a culture that does not understand or value feelings, needs, children or parents.
So, how do we keep growing, evolving, and letting our children help us move forwards, whilst also learning to deepen our humility and self-compassion as we see how hard it can be at times to live up to our ideals and values?