Two-and-a-half year old A and her twin brother had been scared of dogs for a while.
They are the children of my ex-husband and his partner.
My kids and I were looking after a Samoyed dog. We used to own a Samoyed, and we love this fluffy white breed. The twins wanted to come and meet him. We all met at the local park. The twins were scared. They wanted to be picked up and wouldn’t go near him.
I was glad that I had just given a talk two days previously on Playful Discipline. Based on the book Attachment Play, by Aletha Solter, it is all about helping children release the feelings underlying a lack of cooperation, and heal from fears and phobias, through particular kinds of play and laughter.
Laughter releases feelings of fear, anxiety, confusion, powerlessness and frustration.
So, I wondered how we could help the twins release their fear so that they could enjoy the doggie like they wanted to. We went off for a walk. I held A and their mum held L. I wondered how we could get some laughter going.
I remembered Aletha talking about children working through their fear of the ocean by running up to it and then running away from it, laughing, over and over. So, I changed it a bit, and said to A, “Let’s run up to him and touch his tail and run away again.” I was holding her, and we ran to him, I touched his tail, and ran away again. I made a pretend scared face and voice as I did it. She laughed uproariously. Their mum joined in and did the same. So, for the next while we did that over and over and over again, with the twins laughing and laughing.
Gradually, I encouraged A until she felt comfortable with touching his tail herself. Lots more laughing. Then we did a bit of what is known as a power-reversal game – as the dog walked I pretended that we were chasing him (he was actually just running along of his own accord, I just pretended to be chasing him). My daughter, 12, and my son, 8, were also a part of this all. My daughter was holding the lead and joining in with all the roles, and my son was encouraging us all.
Their mum and I swapped so that I was holding L and she was holding A. A felt more confident and wanted to hold the lead. So she got down on the floor and held the lead, with first her mum and then my daughter holding the lead near the dog’s head, so that if he suddenly pulled, she wouldn’t be pulled over. She was so delighted. She walked along, happily trotting, holding on to his lead.
Given that up until then, she had felt scared and had always wanted to be held, it was an amazing transformation. We walked all the way along the path and turned around again. L wanted to hold the lead too, so he had a go from mum’s back, and was very happy with that. When the dog barked, they felt a bit more scared, so we played some more with that too.
After what was probably less than an hour, A had gone from being scared to be on the floor near the dog, to being comfortable with walking along next to him holding his lead and stroking him. All with a bit of laughter. L still felt a bit scared, so we planned on another laughter session to help him release his fears.
Laughter games, also known as Attachment Play, are amazing ways to help children heal from fears and phobias, as well as to release the frustration and powerlessness that leads to behaviours such as a lack of cooperation, and hitting and biting.
Update: Then we got our own puppy, and the twins now love him!
What an amazing gift laughter is!