Hello again!
Yesterday I watched a FB live from my mentor, Jana Kingsford; where she was sharing about where she’d come from ~ a what she calls “high-school dropout” living in a caravan with no money, and then teenage mum, to where she is now, an successful inspiring entrepreneur who only works 23 hours per week, spends time every day on the beach with her kids, and who has taken her kids out of school to homeschool them whilst she travels around Australia and the world.
Jana has inspired me so much, and yet again, she inspired me to share where I’ve come from.
These days, I have emails and messages every day from parents all around the world expressing gratitude for an online course or in-person workshop they’ve taken that has changed their lives.
And every time I read something like that, I am filled with absolute joy.
For three reasons:
1. I LOVE to contribute;
2. I LOVE that I’m so deeply connected with my sense of purpose for being here;
3. I’m so grateful that I’m doing any of this at all.
Rewind forty years, and I was an incredibly ‘shy’, scared little girl, who didn’t ever put her hand up at school.
At University, I stayed quiet in the lectures when they asked for our opinion, and in supervisions when they asked us to speak, I was terrified.
When I first started my Psychotherapy training, at 24, any time I opened my mouth in a group, even to say my name, I would cry and cry and cry.
I remember clearly, after I’d done my Ph.D. at Cambridge on the mother-infant relationship, and then had been a Post-Doctoral Fellow researching babies’ cognitive capacities, and I went for a job at Exeter University, teaching M.A. students The Therapeutic Relationship.
I got the job, and when I came home, I lay in the bath in my little house in Totnes, England, with candles in little blue bottles, and I cried and cried and cried.
I so wanted to step up. AND I was absolutely terrified.
And that showed up so clearly. I broke my right wrist (the only time I’ve broken a bone) a couple of weeks after I’d started the job.
And at my 30th birthday party, when my favourite song of the time, “I want to show you what I’m capable of,” came on, I got up to dance and sing to it, and the smoke machines set off the fire alarm and the power at the place where I was having my party, and that was the end of the party.
And even then, I was aware of exactly what that was showing me.
I couldn’t show people what I was capable of, because I had so many past experiences and unexpressed feelings that were getting in the way of it seeming to be safe to share.
And I’ve been working on that ever since, 18 years ago.
Despite spending the whole of my twenties in weekly therapy, and training and working as a psychotherapist in my twenties, it was really becoming a Mum that helped me step into being me more.
All the inner work I’d done around my own birth and infancy meant that I had an empowering birth with both of my children, and I immersed myself in being a Mum.
I did offer a few sessions here and there – first in HypnoBirthing, and then in CalmBirth.
But mostly, my focus was on my kids.
I would receive newsletters from Cambridge, and I’d see that all my Ph.D. peers were heading companies and I was mostly a ‘stay-at-home’ mum.
But I had a passion.
For Aware Parenting.
So I started writing articles for a local magazine, which then became national and international.
It would take me months to write each article.
I would edit it 20 times.
I loved doing it!
I became an Aware Parenting Instructor.
And many of you will have heard my story, of being with my daughter when she was about 6 months old, at a local mother and baby group.
I had been practicing all the elements of Aware Parenting since she was 3 months old, and the attachment parts of AwP since she was born.
And I was desperate to find other mothers who were also interested in Aware Parenting.
And at that time, there weren’t any.
So I went outside, and I cried.
And in that moment, I had a clear intention.
I would help co-create an Aware Parenting Community.
8 years later, in our first national Aware Parenting camp, I would tell this story and cry with joy.
Nearly 15 years later, and I am amazed at what has happened.
Little Marion, who was too scared to speak at school or University, now pours out her heart in emails like this to you.
Instead of the constant self-judgment, guilt and shame, I’m now accompanied by my Inner Loving Crew. I don’t feel guilty. I rarely entertain any form of self-judgment, and there’s a constant wave of inner compassion that I send myself throughout my day.
I didn’t really know that it was possible to change that much!
For years, I had been feeling frustrated.
I started working as an Aware Parenting Instructor in 2004.
And in the yahoo group I started in about 2008, I saw mothers from all over Australia wanting to become Aware Parenting Instructors.
I wanted to do something to help.
For years I felt jealous seeing other women do online trainings.
I felt frustrated.
And now, I’ve had 50 people in my 9 month Aware Parenting Instructor Mentoring Course, many of whom have gone on to become Aware Parenting Instructors, and many more of whom are intending to.
And last weekend, I ran two workshops on Aware Parenting in my local town.
I don’t run in person workshops much nowadays.
And there were so many people there.
I can really see that the culture has changed.
In 15 years I can see how much more ready we are as a culture to embrace the feelings of babies and children.
I love seeing the evolution of cultural consciousness actually in operation!
Even just four years ago, when I was really into Danielle La Porte, I remember reading in an email from her that she was intending to write a book in three months.
I was incredulous.
And incredibly jealous.
I wondered how on earth she could just have an idea and then put it into form so quickly.
I had ideas all over the place.
I was often frustrated, because I knew that I had SO much to give from all the trainings I’d done, and all the personal experience I had as a mum practicing Aware Parenting and Nonviolent Communication.
I wondered how on earth she could do that.
And now I know.
I frequently have an idea for an online course (usually a subject I’ve been immersing myself in for years), and within a month have it all set up and out in the world.
I’m planning on writing a book over Christmas.
Finally, I developed my Inner Loving Father so that I could intend to do something and actually do it.
Finally, I healed enough from my own past so that “I want to show you what I’m capable of” can actually happen.
And I am SO INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL to be on this journey.
I LOVE that my kids don’t go to school, and I get to spend lots of time with them every day,
I’m glad that every morning I wake up, jump out of bed, and am excited to get to work on whatever it is I’m working on!
I LOVE that I get to combine so many of my passions into what I do.
For example, I LOVED art and design as a child.
So, I’m so happy that with each course launch I get to make a video, like this most recent one:
I’m so glad that I get to play with design when I’m making my Keynotes in my courses, like these ones:
I’m so grateful that in those workshops last weekend, I didn’t feel even one iota of anxiety, and in the workshops I was completely myself.
I wasn’t trying to be anyone else.
I wasn’t trying to be perfect.
I wasn’t judging myself. AT ALL.
I was making jokes, being real, and doing most of it off the cuff.
In my FB lives, I am just myself.
And that’s one of the things I learnt from my amazing mentor.
I believe that we have most influence when we are who we really are.
And I love how this journey keeps taking me to be more who I really am.
I also remember, this time two years ago, signing up for Evernote, which at the time cost $5 a month.
And I felt scared, because I didn’t know if I’d have the $5 every month.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to pay each bill that came, or whether I’d have enough to buy shampoo.
Fast forward two years, and I’m sitting in my favourite “Spell” kimono as I write to you.
As I value myself and what I do more and more, I am more and more willing to have what I really want.
As a ‘single’ mum, I want my children to have the freedom to stay in alignment with their purpose the way my parents did with me, and for them to have some financial cushioning.
I’m so grateful for the money I receive – thank you if you’ve ever bought one of my courses, or had a session; I get to put money in their accounts every fortnight, and see that build up.
I let myself go skiing, which is my favourite thing to do in the whole world, and hadn’t let myself go in 20 years, and we had the most amazing family holiday ever.
And I’m planning to go again next year with my kids – for two weeks.
I thought I would always be “Little Marion” who was too scared to speak, too scared to share her opinion, too scared to share all the things I wanted to share.
I’m in tears as I write this because I am just SO grateful for where I am.
If I can step up and show what I’m capable of, and speak, and share my gifts, and be free from self-judgment, and full of self-compassion, then anyone can.
So if you’re reading this and you’ve got something that you want to share, how would it be to take that next step.
Whether that’s doing something in the outer world, like registering a domain name, or putting up some flyers in town, or painting that painting you’ve been longing to paint,
Or whether that’s some inner work, such as listening to the fear that you feel with loving compassion.
I invite you to do it now.
One of my favourite spoken word poets Kirk Nugent has a poem, Pursue your Passion:
What is your passion?
Is it to make your own vegetable garden?
Create delicious meals for your kids?
To have fun as a mum?
To support your children to be themselves?
To write a blog?
To start a cake-making business?
To sell your homemade body scrubs at your local market?
To paint?
To set up a business?
Whatever it is, you were here to shine.
You were here to follow your soul’s passion.
And if you notice self-judgment about not doing it, I invite you to set a loving limit with self-judgment.
This isn’t about judging ourselves for what we’re not doing.
This is about listening to the calling of our souls.
And just taking the next step, however big or small, that we can take.
And if you want support with that, you probably know about my Inner Loving Presence Process for Entrepreneurs Taster.
I’m so delighted to be offering all that I’ve put together from my Psychosynthesis, Aware Parenting, Nonviolent Communication and Field Trainings, to create the ILPPET.
The doors are only open for another two and a half days, and I don’t plan on offering the Taster again; only the 6 month Mistressmind that follows it.
I’d love to see you there! CLICK HERE or on the image below to find out more.
